Sports
Red, Red Whine (30-20)
Certain rivals have been whining an awfully lot lately about the Brewer's winning ways. This week's letter to Ken Macha congratulates him on his managerial acumen in getting under other team's skins and for helping fans save money when getting girl drink drunk.
Jun 1st, 2009 by Rob Vosters
MIAD, AmeriCorps & local youth collaborate
People who come to the Sixteenth Street Community Health Center on Milwaukee's south side will get a new kind of medicine these days. It's not through prescriptions or preventative treatment, but instead a vision of hope outside the building. It's art.
May 26th, 2009 by Hope Stolarski
When It Rains, It Pours (27-18)
Dear Ken Macha, Since I last wrote to you, Ken, there’s been a bit of a cloud hanging over the team. First, Rickie Weeks’ wrist injury sidelined our perpetually on the brink — and finally turning the corner — second basemen for the rest of the season, dealing a significant blow to our offense. Then, J.J. Hardy became a prime candidate for a backiotomy. All of a sudden, the marginal reserve players that you thought would be sharing the bench with you all summer long are actually needed in the field, leaving you all alone with Willie Randolph and your handy Palm Pilot 1000. To top it all off, Doug Melvin traded away our beloved Tony Gwynn, Jr. for an outfielder named Jody. It was unfortunate that this wave of injuries occured during a particularly rough road trip through St. Louis, Houston and Minnesota. What started out so promising in St. Louis slowly devolved into an exercise of extreme torment in the TerrorMetrodome. If it’s any consolation, Ken, the Twins scored 20 runs against the White Sox the day before the Crew served up 11 to them. Considering Twins’ phenom Joe Mauer is making Ryan Braun’s hot streak from a few weeks ago look mediocre in comparison, holding them to 6 runs the next two games surely was a moral victory if there ever was one. Nonetheless, you were swept in particularly ugly fashion. Fortunately, the week that was did provide a few rays of sunshine. Mat Gamel was recently called up from Nashville and in his first start provided an impressive 3-run home run and made an amazing play at third. Sure, he followed up that play by making an error on a more routine ground ball, living up to his legend as the second coming of Ryan Braun. Even though he cooled off a bit during the Twins series, his presence on the team gives the Miller Park sound crew a reason to play “Camel Walk” every time he walks. In fact, there hasn’t been a more appropriately related song for a player since the little known “Rixey Jig,” named for Cincinnati Red’s pitcher Eppa Rixey’s provocative (for the 1920’s) strikeout dance*. Yovanni Gallardo also provided a ray of sunshine for your already nicely tanned face. After a very un-Yovanni like outing in Houston, Gallardo once again looked sharp in a Memorial Day pitcher’s duel against the Cardinals, leading to this letter’s deep thought (Ken, imagine The Wonder Years’ Daniel Stern is reading the following): Perhaps the most concerning aspect of the recent losing streak was the poor performance of our usually potent pitchers. Two thirds (10) of the team’s victories (15) in May have been in games where our pitching allowed 3 runs or fewer. This takes pressure off the offense, which tends to push too hard when it’s behind early in games. While it’s unreasonable to assume we’re always going to get a quality start from our starting pitchers, it’s important to realize how beneficial our pitching […]
May 25th, 2009 by Rob Vosters
Battlestars vs. Paper Dolls
The Brewcity Battlestars, a B-Team of skaters from the four teams that make up the Brewcity Bruisers league, play their first bout in Appleton against the Paper Dolls.
May 21st, 2009 by Tea Krulos
Ransom! (23-14)
Superb job, Ken! The number of losses in the subject line of this letter hasn't changed from 14 all week. That's quite the impressive fact considering the Pirates were the only team you'd swept until the Marlins came to town.
May 18th, 2009 by Rob Vosters
CHAMPIONSHIP BOUT
Time flies when you’re having fun and the next thing you know, it’s the end of the season. Time for the moment of truth! Season One champs The Rushin Rollettes sought to regain their title, while contenders Maiden Milwaukee hoped to win it for the first time. Also banging heads in a grudge match were the Shevil Knevils and the Crazy 8’s.
May 17th, 2009 by Tea Krulos
Save Us From Favre! (18-14)
No, the other Favre… Dear Ken Macha, Another series, Ken, and another victory — against the Cubs, no less. The bullpen shut down hitters when it mattered most and the offense perpetrated the most heinous form of mockery in modern baseball: the Craig Counsell homerun. It’s starting to look like the beginning of the season was just a terrible, late night cheddarwurst induced nightmare. But don’t put those TUMS away just yet, Ken. There’s something far worse than a Ryan Braun brushback pitch to the helmet coming your way. Brett Favre! You’re new around these parts, Ken, so you may not have heard about the yearly local news orgy that is “Favre Watch! 200_.” You have been hiding in the bathroom a lot since Trevor Hoffman rejoined the team. See, what happens is every year we spend way too much time worrying about whether or not Brett Favre is going to play football. Sound silly? Well, it is! But that’s what we do around here — cling to our past moments of greatness, never letting them go until each of our fingers have been individually pried away during the Sturm und Drang of recognizing that we can’t be what we were. Favre is just the largest manifestation of this feeling ever felt by the state’s baby boomers. In terms you might understand, it’s kind of like when in 2005 your contract with the Oakland A’s ended and GM Billy Beane didn’t resign you, but then six days later you were rehired. Now imagine that scenario happened annually for eight years! Why does this matter to you, Ken? Because if it happens again, and it looks like it might, you’re going to be competing for precious fan attention with The Gunslinger. If the Crew starts an ill-timed losing streak during the upcoming week and Favre Watch! continues unabated, you should be prepared to suffer with this monotonous non-story for the rest of the summer, leeching the media attention you rightfully deserve. But, if you can keep the good times rolling along up to and through the looming road trip through St. Louis, Houston and Minnesota you might be able to deprive the Favre media hydra of the attention it craves long enough to keep the focus on your well-playing team. That’ll put even more fans in the seats and a little extra scrilla in Mark Attanasio’s diamond-studded Brewers money clip. To accomplish this, you’re going to need to figure out what’s up with Jeff Suppan. Jordan at Brew Crew Ball doesn’t believe his better than expected outings as of late are a sure signal that everything’s ok. Today, it only took one bad inning to turn an acceptable outing into a loss. Suppan’s starts aren’t inconsequential and every win he earns the team will be well worth it as the pennant race starts heating up. You’re also going to have to protect Ryan Braun from sassy announcers. Ryan’s mammoth home run off on Saturday unleashed the fury of Cub’s announcer Bob Brenly, who […]
May 11th, 2009 by Rob Vosters
Bad trips and flashbacks
Dear Ken, It must have been nice to return to your hometown — good ol’ Pittsburgh, PA — and come away with another sweep of the Pirates. I could sense in your Tuesday post-game press conference that you were saddened by the dire state of baseball in the Steel City. I too felt bad watching on TV. The sparse attendance (both games drew under 9,000) took me back to the sad, dark days of Milwaukee baseball. That’s right, Ken. Things were pretty bad here at one time, not very long ago. If I close my eyes and focus real hard, I can fight the repression and travel back to when the Brewers were just as shitty, if not worse, than the Pirates … … The era of Wendy Selig-Prieb low-budget ball. When Bob Wickman was our lone all-star representative because they had to pick somebody. When our best hitter was an Australian catcher. When we’d get excited for Jeff D’Amico’s turn in the rotation. Or Cal Eldred’s. Because Ben McDonald was on the DL. Before the roof, sitting frozen-assed on damp chairs in April, the smell of mildew emitting from the rotting cushions in the “luxury seats;” watching Scott Karl get shelled by the Royals, waiting for Angel Miranda to come in and walk a few batters, as sprinkles turn to drizzle then frozen rain, prompting a walk under the bleachers to visitor’s bullpen with some dudes from the JV baseball team to heckle Mackey Sasser as he warms up Hipolito Pichardo, who then strikes out Jeromy Burnitz (swinging, throws bat) then Jose Hernandez (looking, best pitch of the AB) in the bottom half of the inning. A 162-game cycle of frustration–depression–bargaining–denial–acceptance, halted only by football season … But it’s better now. Got a nice stadium, an invested ownership, talented ballplayers under contract — things are looking OK. Some of us could use some more reassurance though. Steve at the Decider thinks Ryan Braun is destined to pull a Molitor after his contract is up in 2016. It’s a “High Fidelity” thing — are you a John Cusack fan? He’s probably right, but that’s not to say we can’t pimp him out for some prospects. In the age of Brett Favre, you gotta expect heartbreak, not pine over it. Am I right? Nobody’s got the Robin Yount mentality any more. It’s a bygone just like those plastic-y blue belts from the ’80’s. Things are firing on all cylinders for you, Ken. A four-game winning streak. A chain of quality starts from your rotation. A healthy Ryan Braun, and a confident J.J. Hardy breaking out of his slump. You got Rickie Weeks hitting clutch home runs, and Mike Cam’ron is on pace to set career-highs in every offensive category. Aside from a slip by Carlos Villanueva, the pen has been solid — if Trevor Hoffman’s psych-out tactics were any more effective, hitters would be swallowing their tongue on the way back to the dugout. Things couldn’t be much better. Keep it up! Best Regards, Adam Lovinus
May 7th, 2009 by Adam Lovinus
Better Stadiums & Beer Gardens (13-12)
Dear Ken Macha, You must be feeling like a bankruptcy attorney in Detroit, Ken. Everything might not be going well around you, but somehow you’re making a killing off of it. You finished the 7-game home stand with a 5-2 record, in spite of an apparently right call on Friday and potential fisticuffs throughout the series against the Pirates. Your pitching has kept you in games, except when the bullpen surprisingly fails to hold a lead. Your offense is thriving, except that your base runners are caught stealing all the time and J.J. Hardy is describing his struggles at the plate like a bad acid trip. Nevertheless, you’ve steered the Brewers to a winning record in April. Bravo to you, Ken. Yet there are a few areas where I feel the team could benefit. If we’re going to win games, we might as well win them in style, amiright? . So here are three suggestions based on my experience at the games on Tuesday and Thursday night. Maybe you can pass them along during one of your stadium operations pow-wows. 1) Make Prince Fielder bring back “Moments In Love” as his entrance song Have you ever listened to the Quiet Storm on V100, Ken? I’m going to go out on a limb and guess you haven’t, but if you’re a Brewer fan that’s not from Brookfield then you know that the intro jam to Quiet Storm used to be Prince’s entrance song. “Moments In Love” by Art of Noise was the greatest entrance song ever, until Prince had to ruin things by using that crappy THX intro or the current air raid siren (get it? he’s dropping bombs!). Don’t just trust me, Ken; take a look at Prince’s numbers and watch how they’ve plummeted since he dropped “Moments In Love.” You can even tell the Miller Park audio crew that it was your idea. 2) Make Jason Kendall use another picture for his at-bat image. Kendall really conveys his tough-as-balls demeanor via his entrance song — something by Pantera, I think, but I really couldn’t tell ya — and his entirely creepy image on the videotron. Have you looked at it, Ken? He looks like he eats babies. The Brewers are supposed to be family friendly. There’s an entire section in the upper deck where people can’t drink alcohol so kids feel safe. Well, I hope those tikes’ are kept away from the parking lots, concession stands and the scoreboard when Kendall is at bat. Maybe you could take your Minolta and surprise Jason while he’s doing something around the clubhouse that doesn’t involve being eerily focused. Even this picture would be an improvement: Found at The Jason Kendall Connection! — a preserved, 1999 Geocities fan page for Jason Kendall 3) Tweak Trevor Time Imagine you’re the scoreboard operator, Ken, and you need to really pump up fans for Trevor Hoffman’s high-leverage save situations. The audio guy has it easy — Hoffman mailed him […]
May 3rd, 2009 by Rob Vosters
Shake dem haters off! (11-10)
Dear Ken Macha, Way to go, buddy! Now that you turned our slow start into a *winning* month of April, you can turn and adjust your athletic supporter in the general direction of these clowns. That’s the ESPN Radio 1250 AM “Done Club” – a list of dumas-es that took it upon themselves to abandon ship a half-month into the season. What a Cubs-fan thing to do … Your three-game sweep of the Pittsburgh Pirates shows me you’re having no trouble fitting in here in Milwaukee. Because if we do anything right, it’s pwning Steel City swashbucklers – we’ve taken 17 of the last 18 from those scurvy dogs. The best they can do is plunk us with a few bean balls; you weren’t here last year when their fat-ass closer Matt Capps almost knocked off Prince Fielder’s crown, but if you should have seen the look on Nedly’s face … You play it much cooler than Ned, and that’s why I like ya, Ken. Yesterday’s 1-0 win says a couple things. First, it says Yovani Gallardo is a total stud horse. Dude throws eight shutout innings and hit the game-winning home run. There’s a good discussion at Chuckie Hacks on YoGa’s bad-ass-ness. I still say bat him fifth every day. You said it best at the press conference yesterday: “I’ll be fast. Hitting? Gallardo. Pitching? Gallardo. Any questions?” What a zinger. Secondly, and here I’m going to bitch a little bit, it says it wouldn’t hurt to play a little small-ball once in a while. I KNOW, I KNOW — the guys are knocking the crap out of the ball lately — but sometimes station-to-station doesn’t do the trick. On days when the entire team is hitting like Jason Kendall, I’d love to see some walk-steal-sacrifice out there. Just sayin’. That’s pretty much it. I’ll be out at the ballpark tonight, watching Suppan try to dismantle the D-Backs. See ya there. Keep up the good work, Ken!
Apr 30th, 2009 by Adam Lovinus
Don’t Fear The Beard (8-10)
Dear Ken Macha, Nicely done, Ken. Sometimes a manager needs to find unorthodox ways to motivate a struggling team. Ned used to pick random games to completely freak the fuck out on an umpire over a bad call or because his favorite NASCAR driver lost. I can’t say I’ve never heard of managers embracing the beard in order to inspire their team, but it’s pure genius nonetheless. Corey Hart dyes his beard black, becoming a slightly more athletic version of Mose Schrute in the process, and after a four game winning streak all criticism about the front office, your grandfatherly looks and your players’ performance vanishes. Just look at how it helped your offense: Ryan Braun, spurred on by the Amish work ethic symbolized in Corey’s Pennsylvanian chinstrap, hit 3 HRs, knocked in 8 runners and raised his average by over 100 points. He even had the game-winning RBI in Saturday’s back and forth game against the ‘Stros. After struggling mightily for the first three weeks, Prince Fielder responded to the beard like no other. No stranger to facial hair himself, Fielder had his first multi-homer game and doubled his season RBI total over the weekend. It’s always nice to have your two best sluggers hitting well on the road and it looks like your plan worked perfectly, Ken. JJ Hardy, fan of the goatee, had a three-hit game for the first time this season, bringing his batting average that much closer to local gas prices than the week before. Baby steps, Ken, baby steps. If that wasn’t enough proof of your managerial brilliance look no further than your pitching staff’s response to the beard decree. After a tumultous three weeks full of walks, walks, and more walks, this year’s staff is on pace to shatter the 2001 staff’s record for runs walked in. I know you weren’t around at the time, Ken, but no one wants to relive the days when Ruben Quevedo was a part of our rotation. But, I digress. Motivated by your embrace of the beard, serious beardsman Dave Bush was this close no-hitting the Phillies if not for mythic Matt Stairs’ home run in the eighth inning (I’m sure they hammered your ass for that, Matt). Chinstrap enthusiast Yovani Gallardo even looked impressive in a complete game win against the hopeless Astros. Is it possible that Braden Looper would pitch even better if he had a chin curtain or extended mutton chops? Think about it, Ken. Not everyone benefited from your beard shenanigans, though. Rickie Weeks still needs to remember what it’s like to take a walk or cleanly field and throw a baseball, and Jorge Julio needs to be left at George Bush Intercontinental Airport. But apart from those minor issues, your unconventional moves are starting to pay off. Keep it up, Ken. Best Regards, Rob Vosters
Apr 26th, 2009 by Adam Lovinus
Hot Coffey! (4-8)
Dear Ken Macha, You hanging in there, Ken? After another tough week filled with frustrating losses, it’s like you just can’t catch a break. While some fans are already wondering who we can jettison mid-season in order to add another starting pitcher, I think it’s a little hasty to think about those questions just yet. Perhaps our most vocal of fans are a little too accustomed to the “every game counts” mentality of the football season or maybe they just want to give Tom Haudricort an aneurysm. Either way, it’s about time we focused on some of the better moments and performances of this short season. Maybe it’ll cheer you up a bit. Let’s start with the offense. Mike Cameron is earning love from Miller Park Drunk for being the equivalent of chairs at a tailgate party. Does that make Craig Counsell the ever-helpful beer-fetching child? Corey Hart is starting strong, too, sporting a robust .385 OBP. He’ll look even more brooding on the basepaths now that he dyed his hair black. Ok, maybe that’s about all the good news on the offensive side. Everyone else is doing just enough to keep the fans at bay for now. The pitching is where you should find some solace in the poor start. Our starting pitching has been characterized as erratic, but every starting pitcher has had a quality start this week. Even Jeff Suppan had a quality start on Sunday; maybe that talking-to you gave him did some good. This hasn’t necessarily translated into success for you yet, but it’s a good sign that soon you won’t have to answer questions about your starting pitching woes from everyone with an opinion about your starting pitching woes! The bullpen, Ken, is where you can find the best news so far. Five words: Mike DiFelice and Todd Coffey. This dynamic duo is keeping you in games long enough for your defense to make game-losing errors or for your closer to blow saves — sometimes both! Throw in R.J. Swindle — what a great name for southpaw strikeout artist — and maybe you’ll be able to put your middle-relief on auto-pilot once Trevor Hoffman returns. Coffey, with his barrel-chest and ginger beard, single-handedly saved the day on Sunday, pitching out of a bases-load jam for you and then going another two innings for his first save since 2006. Even more impressive is that he hasn’t given up a run in 17 innings dating back to last year. This guy is hungry, Ken, and not just for the tasty desserts in the Metavante Club. Keep him fed with innings, save opportunities and Dippin’ Dots. There’s a lot going for you, Ken. Your team hasn’t been blown out 22-4 and you’re only 3.5 games out of first place. Plus, you get to face a struggling Phillies squad for a three game tilt starting Tuesday. Tune out the naysayers, feed the Todd and let’s get some revenge on the Phillies! Best Regards, Rob Vosters
Apr 19th, 2009 by Adam Lovinus
