See kids? Isn’t this fun?

We are still a year away from next year’s presidential election but it’s already painfully obvious why so many people are so turned off by politics. The spectacle of the nominating process consists of each party’s candidates gouging eyes and pulling hair in a struggle to separate themselves from the pack.

Despite such critical issues as an unnecessary war, a growing number of Americans without health insurance, a nonexistent energy policy, and a crumpling infrastructure, the circus we call an election appears to have all the dignity of a Beavis and Butthead Meet the Three Stooges feature film.

This year, for once, the Republicans are acting even more childish than the Democrats. Rudy and Mitt, the laughably-named GOP frontrunner, are so busy pointing out each other’s spending outrages and liberal social policies that even Newt Gingrich has referred to the Republican candidates as a bunch of pygmies. You can almost hear the GOP base agonizing over the absurd notion that its standard bearer will come from such a bastion of conservatism as New York or Massachusetts.

The leading Democrats struggled early to avoid speaking ill of one another, but that didn’t last long. Recently, Hillary Clinton’s opponents have started lobbing rhetorical grenades at her in a concerted effort to penetrate her veneer of inevitability. They cite her acceptance of campaign contributions from lobbyists, her refusal to apologize for her vote authorizing the use of force to oust Saddam Hussein and her failed attempt to reform health care early in her husband’s first administration as evidence that she is an unlikely agent of change.

I guess it’s no surprise that by voting time, so many of us have tuned the whole distasteful enterprise out or simply hold our noses as we choose the least objectionable option. Yet I do not blog before you today to criticize politics. Truth is, I am hopelessly addicted to this stuff. After all, political campaigns offer many of the same attractions that draw people to such popular televised competitions as American Idol and Dancing with the Stars. Surely if we are held on the edge of our couches wondering who Donald Trump is going to fire, we ought to care at least a little about which candidate has a better plan for reforming health care or ending the quagmire in Iraq.

Would it help if they added a witty panel of celebrity observers to critique responses at the debates, or required the candidates to eat a bug before answering a question? At the very least, couldn’t they do something imaginative with a giant tic-tac-toe board or carousel that spins them around?

Apathy here in Wisconsin may partly be due to the widespread belief that the candidates will be chosen by the time our primary rolls around on February 19. Nearly every other state has elbowed its way in front of us in the fight to be relevant. With big states like New York, Florida and California set to cast their ballots ahead of us, conventional wisdom predicts that the nomination will be wrapped up by early February.

We’ll see, but I’m guessing that at least two candidates in each party will still be mathematically alive come February 19, leading to the usual onslaught of candidates, consultants, and journalists in our backyard. And even if the party nominations are determined by then, the primary election here will matter because of the oddity of the non-partisan elections. Milwaukee’s mayor and county executive races are considered non-partisan as are the county council members and city aldermen. In addition, Wisconsin State Supreme Court Judge Louis Butler will be defending his seat for the first time since Gov. Jim Doyle appointed him to the bench in 2004.

State Sen. Lena Taylor’s challenge of County Executive Scott Walker promises to be a highly combative and entertaining race for Milwaukee voters. As long as underdog candidate Joe Klein stays in the race, these two will most likely face off in February and again in the general election in April.

The race between Walker, a Republican, and Taylor, a Democrat, will be a battle for the soul of the county. Walker is likely to continue his “no new taxes” mantra while Taylor can be expected to call attention to how declining county services have left needy residents underserved. Most deliciously, the race may finally put an end to the mythic power attributed to local conservative talk show hosts Charlie Sykes and Mark Belling. Walker is their darling, even as responsible business leaders are chastising him for lack of leadership. Taylor demonstrated that she could hold her own against Sykes on WTMJ-TV last November when her articulate analysis of the Democratic victory left him sounding weak and defensive. With her clever use of rhymes in her speeches and her combative spirit, Lena Taylor may prove to be like the underdog Cassius Clay who took on Sonny Liston and showed he was just a dim-witted bully with a glass jaw.

Maybe a better boxing analogy for Walker, however, is that of Terry Malone, the character from On The Waterfront played by Marlon Brando. Walker briefly ran for governor last year until his party leaders apparently urged him to pull out in favor of Mark Green. It wasn’t his time, they are said to have told him. County advocates are perplexed that Walker continues to issue press releases attacking Gov. Doyle when Milwaukee is so reliant on the support from the state. But that’s okay, Scott, we understand. After all, you could’a been a contender.

See kids? Isn’t this fun?