We Need Necro Laws Now!

[Update: July 27th 2007 — Sen. Schultz introduced legislation this week to forbid necrophilia in Wisconsin after the Court of Appeals ruled there was no such statute in Wisconsin law. For more, see today’s posting on the subject here at milwaukeeworld.com –Ed.]

The last couple of weeks have not been kind to the late Laura Tennessen, 20, of Cassville. On August 27th, she died when she was thrown from the back of a motorcycle. Sunday morning, three men were arrested and charged with being party to attempted third-degree sexual assault on her corpse, which they tried to pry from its grave.

Now comes Senate Republican leader Dale Schultz. Using Tennessen’s body for political purposes in a fashion that differs only slightly from the intent of Alex Grunke [“The Grim Raper”], Nicholas Grunke and Dustin Radke, three 20-year old Goths arrested in the case, Schultz is outraged they can’t be charged with Necrophilia — because the State of Wisconsin has no law prohibiting the morbid practice.

Schultz says he hopes to change that and will introduce a bill in the legislature next session to remedy this lacuna in Wisconsin jurisprudence, adding that the crime occurs more frequently than people realize. [How he knows this is not quite certain; however there may be an explanation in the related item below — Ed.]

Of course, the sensitive Senator Schultz announced his political gambit without consulting the family of the late Tennessen. They have a right to grieve on their own, even when that grief is compounded by unspeakable acts of both criminal and legislative nature.

Schultz is not a stranger to adding laws to the books where sufficient legislation already exists.

For example, Schultz supports the amendment to the state constitution that would make marriage between members of the identical sex doubly illegal. Not over my dead body!

The law is already on the books, as are any number of civil and criminal penalties for disturbing — or even moving — a corpse, but a constitutional amendment and knee-jerk legislation based on an isolated incident make for good political hay in Schultz’s rural district, where it is said that bestiality occurs more frequently than people realize. There oughta be a law.

UPDATE — September 19th 2006 — The Grunke twins and their pal Dustin Radke will not face sexual assault charges, according to Judge George S. Curry. Why not? Just as you’d imagine, Wisconsin has no law forbidding necrophilia. Ms. Tennessen faced no threat to her “life or bodily security” since, at the time of the attempted assault she was no longer a person, but was rather “human remains.” The boys still face felony criminal damage to property and misdemeanor counts. Arraignment is set for October 9th. The Grunkes are out on $1,000 bail each; Radke is likewise free on $1,500 cash bail.

Shultz: The Morticians’ Pawn

An inspection of the campaign finance filings for Sen. Dale Schultz shows that his determination to pass special legislation to protect the deceased may be tied to his being held in the thrall of the state’s powerful death industry. In the past election cycle Schultz received $1,900 in campaign contributions from the shadowy underworld of the undertaker class, including Todesgelt (literally “Death Money”) from agents of such state-licensed businesses as Beil Didier Funeral Home ($150), Boettcher Family Funeral Home ($200), Ellestad Funeral Home ($100), Cress Funeral Home ($450), Gunderson Funeral Home ($200), Schneider Funeral Home ($300), Deja and Martin Funeral Home ($200) and Ryan Funeral Home ($250).

During the same period, none of the 1,083 big money ($100 and over) donors to Schultz’s campaign listed their occupation as “Goth.” Coincidence? I don’t think so. No wonder Schultz is always eager to do the morticians’ bidding!

This article was originally published by Milwaukee World.