2007-06 Vital Source Mag – June 2007
Black Strobe
By Ally Berndt Norwegian death metal. Gothic French electro. ‘80s electronic body music. Something totally different. Any or all of the above can be ways used to describe Black Strobe. Burn Your Own Church – “Brenn Di Ega Kjerke” in Norwegian – is Black Strobe’s latest album, and while all 11 tracks reflect the group’s Depeche Mode and ‘80s rock influences, most also represent a darker, trance-like mood. The sound is good, but probably best appreciated if you’re hopped up at a Euro rave. “Blood Shot Eyes” is a quirky song that’s mixed well and puts the synthesizer to great use, yet sounds oddly reminiscent of the Super Mario Brothers theme if set against Norwegian metal. Included on the album is a cover of Bo Diddly’s “I’m a Man.” It’s bluesy but more hyped up – a little bit out there, but enjoyable nonetheless. And if Rammstein put together an ‘80s house mix, I’m pretty sure it would sound very much like “Not What I Need,” with its deep half-spoken lyrics in Euro-metal drag. The last two tracks – “Last Club on Earth” and “Crave for Speed” – are by far the best, featuring not only the strongest vocals, but also some great piano work. It’s a welcome switch from synth and showcases Black Strobe’s low-key side. Burn Your Own Church is a decent album with a lot of great production work; the mixes are actually the best part. There could’ve been a little more guitar and a little less of the often over-powering keyboards and synthesizers, but overall Black Strobe has put together a well-rounded record that pulls elements from many styles of music and then lays them over acid-infused beats. Americans should definitely check it out, if only for the fact that it’s just not your everyday electro mix. VS
Jun 1st, 2007 by Vital Archives
Five Women Wearing the Same Dress
Writer/Director Alan Ball has met with considerable success in film and TV. His film American Beauty won an Academy Award while his TV series Six Feet Under garnered him two Golden Globes and no less than six Emmys. Before any of that, however, Ball earned a degree in theatre. In 1993 he wrote a comedy for the stage about a group of bridesmaids in Tennessee and Sunset Playhouse presents its production of that very play as the penultimate show of its season. Bialystock and Bloom co-founder Jonathan West directs the Sunset production of Ball’s Five Women Wearing the Same Dress. It’s the story of five bridesmaids who seek refuge from a wedding reception in an upstairs bedroom. There’s very little plot here beyond the personalities of each of the women as they become better acquainted. While the character development feels a bit forced and an amateurish attempt to tie everything together with some of moral about the nature of love stains the ending, for the most part Ball lets the conversation between the five women become the play. Ball has a particularly shrewd sense of humor in language that is the real center of the comedy. Everything beyond the dialogue is just there to give it a place to be. A clever writer in his own right, West’s direction here has an interesting attention to detail and a particularly deft sense of how dialogue-centered comedy works on stage. The cast consists almost entirely of the five young bridesmaids. Actresses reflect the relative ages of their characters pretty well, but there is a bit of confusion as to how old everyone is, as they all appear to be pretty much the same age: quite young, but not in high school. Southern accents also mar things a bit, as no one here manages an authentic accent for the entire length of the play. Other than that, the performances here are all noteworthy with a few instances of real comedic inspiration. The bedroom belongs to Meredith Marlow: sister of the bride played by Victoria Hudziak. Hudziak is bitter and annoyed with the whole wedding and has escaped to her room in an effort to get at least mildly stoned so that the whole affair can be a bit more bearable. Hudziak holds the comedy of bitterness quite well, but very little can be done when Ball tries to fuse too much darkness into the character. Before Meredith enters, Frances, the innocent, religious cousin of the bride, sneaks into the room to engage in a bit of physical comedy. Ball doesn’t provide very convincing depth for what is essentially a generic religious stereotype. Actress Nikki Hoch finds a sweet humanity in the character, nonetheless. Hoch’s comedic presence is subtle but powerfully effective whenever she’s onstage. Not long after we meet Frances and Meredith, Trisha enters. Trisha is an old friend of the bride who is fiercely independent. Elizabeth M. Keefe plays Meredith in a magnetic performance. She’s had many men, but has never felt […]
Jun 1st, 2007 by Russ Bickerstaff
A crash course in teen parenting
Dear Readers, As I write my column this month, I’m sitting at my patio table in the early chill of a spring morning. I can only write when I’m alone, and today this is the only quiet corner of my universe. I am so far behind that the rest of the magazine is already at the printer, waiting for this last addition. As I shared a few months back, I am marrying a man with four children, three of them teenage girls. Until March of this year, my only child was a third grade boy and the rest of our tribe’s kids ranged in age from 2 to 11. I was still enrolled in Parenting 101: instilling values and a work ethic, providing emotional safety and stability, helping with homework and prioritizing quality time. Given this, I feel grossly under-prepared for my new parenting life. I am now a step-mom, which comes with the inherent complexities of who I am to the kids and where our boundaries lay, plus the myriad dramas that sometimes seem to dominate our lives. A few weeks ago it was the 15-year-old wanting her upper ear pierced. Last week it was the soon-to-be 13-year-old lobbying for a cell phone (and a car) for her birthday. This weekend, it was a matter of life and death. On Saturday, my fiancé and I were on our first real date in months, the younger children all safely occupied for the evening and the oldest, 17 year-old Alex, two hours north with a friend, interviewing the Amish for her senior final project. Michael had left his phone in the car, and as we got in after dinner it was ringing. It was Alex’s number, but it wasn’t Alex on the line. Her friend, a boy, had made the call, and he was clearly upset. From the passenger seat I could hear shouted fragments of his side of the exchange. “I’m sorry, Mr. Gull, I’m so sorry!” “The car flipped over three times…” “I got Alex out but the paramedic needs to talk to you…” And again, “I’m so sorry.” Michael laid his forehead against the steering wheel for a moment while the boy gave the phone to the paramedic. I could feel the blood chilling in Michael’s veins as his face turned to ash. Finally, we were informed that our daughter had sustained “a crushing injury” to her hand, a laceration of unknown severity to her foot and that further examination was needed at a hospital in Fond du Lac, over an hour from where we were. “Who’s screaming?” asked Michael. “That’s your daughter, sir, she’s pretty shaken up,” replied the paramedic. “Give her the phone, let me talk to her!” Michael’s voice was shaking, and as I write, I am reliving the panic we both felt in that moment. “Oh, Daddy, we tried to stop but we couldn’t and the car flipped over and over and over and I thought I was dead I really thought I was […]
Jun 1st, 2007 by Jon Anne Willow
Rooming House
With Milwaukee being host to so many productions of plays written by people in other parts of the country, it’s always nice to see something new written by a local playwright. Early this summer, Olsen Arts Theatre Group opened Rooming House, written and directed by local playwright Christel Olsen. The play is a comedy about a group of people living in…well…a rooming house. Kim Ballou stars as Geraldine Rennelli – a woman who runs…wait for it…a rooming house. Geraldine, who is known to her psychologically diverse boarders as “Ms. Geri,” is a tough, charismatic woman who seems to be quite respected by all who meet her. There’s a lot of comic potential in the many strange personalities inhabiting a domestic space like this. Brilliant comedy can come when the weird is juxtaposed against the equally weird but, unfortunately, Olsen and company deliver on so little of it that it hardly seems worth the effort. Sadly, Rooming House isn’t that good. Ballou performs quite well as uber-mom to a strange collection of characters, many of whom have a great deal of comedic depth. Occasionally we even see the cast of actors grasp fleeting moments of this depth. For the most part, however, the cast seems all too conscious of the fact that it is on stage and not conscious enough of what’s supposed to be going on in the play. The space at Bucketworks doesn’t help, either. The acoustics in the performance space are offensively bad. This makes it particularly difficult to hear actors who lack enough stage experience to know how to properly project their voices. If Rooming House was a straight drama, the acoustic problem would probably end there. The fact that it’s a comedy makes things all the worse. In order for comedy to work there needs to be something like a coherent punch line. If the punch line isn’t delivered with the kind of strength it needs AND the space is muffling what’s being said, there may be too many obstacles for laughter to actually occur. The lack of clarity in the dialogue is an ongoing problem throughout that affects every aspect of the story. Comedic and dramatic elements that aren’t always particularly well defined in the script are further confused by self-conscious performances that fail to deliver the right emphasis at the right times. Rooming House isn’t a play so much as the dream of one. People sleep walk through performances culled from a script that isn’t quite polished enough to develop the kind of glossy pop comedy for which Olsen seems to be aiming. All this would seem like wasted effort were it not for the fact that the dream is so clearly visible. The final significant scene between Ballou and Brenda Riley (as her next door neighbor Leslie Bufano) is the one of the best. The two characters finally connect and there’s a real feeling of genuine emotion. It should be pointed out that Rooming House is not an aggressively bad play. It’s a […]
Jun 1st, 2007 by Russ Bickerstaff
To be young and Polish on a summer evening
Lidia Sobierajski has possibly the coolest job held by any young professional in Milwaukee. At the tender age of 34, she’s Director of Polish Fest, the nation’s largest Polish cultural festival. That having been said, it’s among the smaller of the often-Titanic ethnic festivals that descend upon the Maier Grounds in the summer, drawing diverse crowds from all over the country. That’s a shame, because in addition to truly exposing our city’s proud Polish cultural traditions to those unfortunate enough to never have lived on the South or East sides, Polish Fest is not only a great time, but the first cultural festival of the summer. It also has the benefit of being a bit less crowded, for those of us who prefer traversing the park from end to end in less than two hours. At least that’s the case for now, unless Lidia has her way. The daughter of Polish immigrants (her father came to the U.S. after WWII), Lidia Sobierajski grew up in Milwaukee immersed in both her parents’ native culture and her own American lifestyle. A classically trained musician with a degree in Mathematics and Piano Performance/Pedagogy from Alverno College, she and her sister approached Polish Fest’s organizers in 1998 to hold a Chopin youth piano competition. It’s been a great success, and in 2004 she realized her dream of overseeing the entire festival. “I felt like I had a million ideas,” she explains, “and thought that if I was just given the chance, I could help Polish Fest grow.” And so, armed with a mission and leading an army of dedicated volunteers, Lidia is working day and night to craft a new image for Polish Fest. Seated in the conference room of the Polish Heritage Alliance’s gorgeous new center in Franklin, Lidia looks more like an intern than an executive – but the resemblance is only skin deep. Dressed in black pants and a black t-shirt with POLISH FEST emblazoned in rhinestones across the chest, the blonde-haired, blue-eyed young woman bristles with energy and intelligence as she relates all Polish Fest has to offer. She’s the real deal, and under her guidance Polish Fest may just come into its own in its 26th year. Musically, the fest is known mostly for polka, native folk music and cultural dance demonstrations. This is an important element of a genuine cultural festival, and Polish Fest will always remain true to its mission (unlike a few others that shall remain nameless). After all, it just wouldn’t be Polish Fest without Jimmy Sturr and his Orchestra or the Polish Connection on the Non-Stop Polka Stage. And then there’s the often underrated (though actually quite delicious) food that will always be a mainstay. But Lidia has been slipping in new stuff, geared toward a younger crowd, as well as running vodka and spirit tastings through Stawski Imports that feature some of Eastern Europe’s finest offerings. This year, Friday is the night for the young to come out, with the return of the […]
Jun 1st, 2007 by Jon Anne Willow
The Sea and Cake
Since their debut in 1993, Chicago’s The Sea and Cake have quietly grown into hometown favorites alongside Tortoise, creating pop that’s one part ambient, one part jazz, one part rock and all parts pure. This unique sound, anchored by guitarist Sam Prekop’s trademark wispy-as-clouds vocals, has evolved from notional indie pop into this consistently eclectic mixture since their first electronic dabblings on the 1997 album, The Fawn. Flash forward to the new millennium. 2003’s One Bedroom, which perfected jazzy indie-tronica, was adored by fans who were left to hang thereafter with a band hiatus. Thus, their newest, Everybody, is not only welcomed personally by fans who have longed to hold another Sea and Cake concoction in their hands, but also in general, because the band is showing their ability to grow without completely abandoning their sound circa 1997-2003. With Everybody, the band builds on past musical success by boomeranging back to their roots and catching some of the fundamental aspects that first garnered it attention. Perhaps this was possible due to the help of producer Brian Paulson (Slint, Wilco) who took the reins so the band could concentrate fully in the studio (drummer John McEntire previously did all the band’s production work). Outlining the songs with the organic elements of a true rock outfit such as fuzzed-out guitars ( “Crossing Line” ), clean beat-keeping drums ( “Middlenight” ), filling in the lines with the pretty-as-bells guitars of Prekop and Archer Prewitt and then mixing it up with subtle syncopation and glossing it over with Prekop’s melody-challenged but soothing voice, The Sea and Cake take us back to their beginning. McEntire and Erik Claridge (bass) still manage to add the signature noodling ( “Exact to Me, “Left On” ) that makes this band sound so much like…well… themselves. Everybody hits that gratifying sweet spot. It’s got enough ‘oomph’ not to wimp out yet retains the subtle jazzy elements that will make this album one of the most delicious slices of pop baked goods to satisfy fans in years. VS
Jun 1st, 2007 by Erin Wolf
Vital’s 2007 Farmers Market Guide
By Amy Elliott, Evan Solochek, Jon Anne Willow In the urban epicenter of metropolitan Milwaukee, it’s far too easy to forget that we live in Wisconsin, a major player in the nation’s agricultural life and a leading producer of cranberries, corn, oats, potatoes, cherries, green beans and, of course, fresh dairy. Enter the farmers market – arguably the best way for urbanites to participate responsibly in our rich agricultural infrastructure. While some markets still feature trucked-in fare, more are focusing on what we have right here. There aren’t many downsides to buying locally. Healthier produce raised with fewer chemicals comes to us across far less distance and with shipping costs minimized and no middle man to pay off costs are drastically reduced, and the effect on the environment is alleviated. But most of all, it’s good to know where your food comes from, how it gets here and who’s dealing with it. And with lots of markets offering flowers, baked goods, coffees and teas, artwork and even live music, you’d be hard-pressed to find a more pleasant way to spend a few precious summer hours. NOTE: Some information is unconfirmed and noted with an (*). Bauer’s Farmers Market 11813 7 ½ Mile Rd., Caledonia 9 a.m. – 6 p.m. daily, July through November. 262-835-4386. Brown Deer Farmers Market Bradley Commerce Center, N. 43rd St. and Bradley Rd. 9 a.m. – 6 p.m., Wednesdays through October. Annuals and perennials, herbs, roses, and fruits and vegetables. 414-354-6923. Brookfield Farmers Market City Hall, 2000 N. Calhoun Rd 7:30 a.m. – noon, Saturdays through October. Flowers, fruits and vegetables, Piedmontese beef, maple syrup, chickens, eggs, bison meat, baked goods, dried floral, garden art and much more. Weekly entertainment and demonstrations. 70th annual Dahlia Show September 23, with more than 600 blooms on display for judging. 262-784-7804 or brookfieldfarmersmarket.com. Burlington Farmers Market Echo Park, 588 Milwaukee Ave. 8 a.m. – noon, Saturdays through November. 262-342-1171. Cudahy Farmers Market 4700 S. Packard Ave. 10 a.m. – sold out, Fridays through November. Locally grown and produced baked goods, fresh produce, apples, honey, flowers, crafts and more. ci.cudahy.wi.us. Delafield Farmers Market 514 W. Main St. 7 a.m. – 1 p.m., Saturdays through October. Producer-only market; locally grown vegetables, fruits, herbs, honey, cider, flowers, annual bedding and perennial plants, ironworks, homespun woolen yarns and other locally handcrafted items. 262-968-4471. East Side Open Market 1901 E. North Ave. 10 a.m. – 2 p.m., Saturdays, June 30 through October. Produce, agricultural products, flowers, herbs, CSA, amazing artists and marvelous local musicians. theeastside.org. East Town Farmers Market Cathedral Square Park, 520 E. Wells 7:30 a.m. – 12:30 p.m., Saturdays through October. Farm-grown produce, baked goods, specialty foods and arts & crafts. Free entertainment and children’s activities. easttown.com. Elmwood Plaza Farmers Market Durand Ave., Racine 8 a.m. – noon, Tuesdays and Fridays through November 2. Seasonal asparagus, rhubarb, beans, tomatoes, corn, melons, bedding plants, apples, baked goods, chickens, eggs and fresh flowers. 262-886-3284. Fondy Farmers Market 2200 W. Fond du Lac Ave. 7 […]
Jun 1st, 2007 by Amy Elliott
June 2007
June 5th The Aggrolites Reggae Hit L.A. Hellcat/Epitaph Belly The Revolution CP Marilyn Manson Eat Me, Drink Me Nothing/Interscope Paul McCartney Memory Almost Full Hear Music/Concord O.A.R. Life From Madison Square Garden Atlantic Rihanna Good Girl Gone Bad Def Jam Bruce Springsteen Bruce Springsteen With the Seeger Sessions Band Live in Dublin Columbia Swizz Beatz One Man Band Universal Motown Tiger Army Music From Regions Beyond Hellcat/Epitaph Various Artists We All Love Ella: Celebrating the First Lady Of Song Verve June 12th John Doe A Year in the Wilderness Yep Roc The Mission, U.K. God is a Bullet Cooking Vinyl Sinéad O’Connor Theology Koch Mark Olson The Salvation Blues HackTone Queens of the Stone Age Era Vulgaris Interscope Mark Ronson Version RCA June 19th The Chemical Brothers We Are the Night Astralwerks Maps We Can Create Mute The Mooney Suzuki Have Mercy Elixia The Polyphonic Spree The Fragile Army TVT Two Gallants The Scenery of Farewell Saddle Creek The Unseen Internal Salvation Hellcat/Epitpah Matt White Do You Believe Geffen The White Stripes Icky Thump Third Man/Warner June 26th Ryan Adams Easy Tiger Lost Highway The Automatic, Automatic Not Accepted Anywhere Columbia Bad Brains Build a Nation Megaforce Beastie Boys The Mix-Up Capitol Marc Broussard S.O.S.: Save Our Soul Vanguard The Click Five Modern Minds and Pastimes Lava/Atlantic Editors An End Has a Start Kitchenware Nick Lowe At My Age Yep Roc Meat Puppets Rise to Your Knees Anodyne M.I.A. Kala Interscope Mya Liberation Motown Steve Vai Sound Theories Vols. 1 & 2 Epic
Jun 1st, 2007 by Erin Wolf
VITAL’S 2007 Photo Contest Winners
I think photography as the America of “Art.” It is not a perfect analogy; photography doesn’t arrest undocumented artworks and detain them indefinitely, nor is it engaged in an endless quest to start wars against developing art forms whilst alienating and disenfranchising photographs at home. Photographs are sometimes bought and sold to the highest bidder, but that’s not what I mean, either. Photography is a highly democratic art form. Not everyone is born with the fine motor skills to learn how to draw or the craftsmanship necessary to sculpt or carve wood. But most people can figure out how to press a button on a camera. With a light meter and a little practice, even a manual camera is intuitive enough to understand. The ever-expanding accessibility of digital equipment has even made it possible to eliminate the complicated and costly process of developing your own prints. Now all you need is a printer, or someone whose printer you can use and – voilà – a masterpiece. The ease of photography invites experimentation and ingenuity. Like America, nothing is guaranteed – not everyone can afford those fancy macro lenses, and not everyone has an eye for composition – but photography strives for equality of opportunity. And frankly, that makes the old institutions a little bit nervous. If you were an oil painting, you’d be nervous, too. Look at what happened to Great Britain. And in the grand scheme of things, photography is a pretty young way to make art, and even though a photograph is one of the world’s most powerful tools for telling a story or conveying an image, photography is still fighting for its credibility in the art world. Not everyone trusts photography. It’s too instant. It’s too mechanical. The artist is too far removed from the art. Or so it is still sometimes said. This year, in the spirit of opportunity, we awarded two different awards for each category – Best Professional and Best Amateur. The judges – Cori Coffman, Executive Director of the Eisner Musuem of Art and Design; Deone Jahnke, a local professional photographer who works all over the country and Sonja Thomsen, adjunct professor at MIAD and head of Milwaukee’s Coalition of Photographic Arts – swore to be fair and impartial administrators of their duties. They rated each photograph blind before the law (well, they could see, but it was anonymous) and on video camera themselves, for all to witness at our second Random Exposure opening on June 14 at the Eisner, which will include over 60 of our favorite entries, democratically displayed for your viewing enjoyment. There will also be music, food and more. Look for details on page 18. In your winners, you will see testament to the radical and boundless fruits of this art for the people: color, shadows, truth, comedy, tragedy, apathy and beauty. PORTRAIT BEST IN SHOW Best Professional Jessica Kaminski “Girl in Doorway” Jessica Kaminski received her BFA in Fine Art Photography from MIAD in 2001. Since then, she […]
Jun 1st, 2007 by Amy Elliott
Fixing MPS
The Greek myth of Sisyphus tells the story of a man condemned by the gods to roll a rock up a hill only to have it roll back down each time, forcing him to repeat the task over and over again for eternity. Some might argue that Sisyphus is the perfect metaphor for the vexing problem of education reform, particularly in Milwaukee. The performance of many urban public schools has been abysmal for decades. And it seems that every few years a new set of reforms are announced with great fanfare. But the results have generally been the same or worse. Same as it ever was. So it was with a good deal of skepticism that I attended an announcement last fall of a new initiative designed to finally address the problems facing Milwaukee Public Schools. I showed up at the news conference prepared to hear the latest school reform flavor of the month. Would it be smaller classes and more teachers, a revamped curriculum, a new set of high stakes tests or a combination of all of the above? I was wrong on all counts. What was unveiled that day wasn’t a plan, but a new process for involving the entire community in developing a strategic plan for MPS. “For the first time ever,” the news release trumpeted, “leaders from Milwaukee Public Schools, the Milwaukee Board of School Directors, the Milwaukee Teachers Education Association and the Greater Milwaukee Committee have joined together to focus the community’s attention on higher expectations for student achievement in MPS.” Better late than never Sister Joel Read, former president of Alverno College and chair of the GMC’s education committee, said the announcement represented “a turning point for MPS, for the children of Milwaukee and the entire community.” This is a sad statement, though true. MPS leadership, the teachers union and civic and business organizations have indeed failed previously to successfully come together to sort through the problems of the school district, whose concerns they all inherently share. In a combined statement, the groups said “MPS’ current student achievement results are unacceptable. MPS can and must do a better job educating students and preparing them for college and career.” Since that day last fall, nearly 20 public hearings were scheduled to solicit input from parents and other members of the community. An organization called Focus on Results was brought in, with support from local businesses, to assist in the development of a new strategic plan for MPS. The result is a “draft action plan” organized around a set of principles so basic as to be inarguable, which was unveiled in May. Sister Joel said the collaboration between MPS Superintendent William Andrekopoulos and WTEA Executive Director Sam Carmen was unprecedented, and called the 35 page document a “good first step.” I must admit that I didn’t feel like breaking out in a chorus of “Kumbaya” when the superintendent of Milwaukee Public Schools and the leader of the teachers union reached an agreement on a set of […]
Jun 1st, 2007 by Ted Bobrow
Great Lakes Myth Society
“Girlfriends are leaving/new girls arrive/you open the circle/to be blinded by light.” This lyric from “Heydays,” the opening track to Compass Rose Bouquet, the sophomore offering from Michigan “northern rock” music “collective” Great Lakes Myth Society, perfectly summarizes the thesis being defended throughout – melancholy is meaningless unless it’s tempered by good spirits in the heart and in hand. When guitarist Timothy Monger sings “Uncertain the future/nostalgic the past/unable to recognize/moments that last,” there’s more sun in his voice than rain. That springtime disposition carries into all aspects, from production to songwriting. The tunes crackle with energy and spark, from the cavernous drums to the silvery trumpets on the psychedelic-via-”Crimson-and-Clover” tune “Raindrops and Roses.” The band isn’t afraid to explore the myriad folk influences available to their collective, either; “Queen of the Barley Fool” and “Debutante” incorporate Irish pub choruses without slipping into affectation. “Debutante” even throws indie-rock distortion into the guitars, giving the up-tempo jig some teeth. They accompany accordion-driven waltz “The Gales of 1838,” which closes the record with a slow, six-minute build that sways like the bow of a wind-blown pirate ship complete with refrains proclaiming that we’ll have “wine, wine, wine, more wine tonight.” This is Americana anyone can get behind. Great Lakes Myth Society takes the folk-infused sound with which we’ve all become intimately familiar and polish it with a pop sheen, producing earthy, heartfelt waltzes and jigs that manage to be introspective and fun at the same time. Pass the Jameson; who wouldn’t drink to that?
Jun 1st, 2007 by DJ Hostettler
What should have happened
What should have happened One of the perks of writing a column like SubVersions – aside from being able to indulge your love of pointless Saved By The Bell references – is that it constantly forces you out of the house and into the wide, wacky world of Milwaukee’s Kinda-Sorta-Thriving Night Life?. At least once a month, you’re compelled to throw yourself willy-nilly into the sinuous arms of the city – forgoing yet another night of watching Cheaters in your underwear – in search of beauty, cheap booze and an event deserving of 1,000 words. The downside, of course, is that these events usually turn out to be complete busts. For every life-affirming rock show and spontaneous dance party, there’s at least one tepid burlesque show and a good ol’ fashioned random mugging. Nevertheless, a breathtaking column is usually formulated beforehand, and an appropriately poignant conclusion is strived for (friends! city! redemption!). Of course, after about a half-dozen drinks and a knee to the groin, things usually tend to fall apart. What follows are two such events attended in hopes of some sort of bittersweet, revelatory moment that instead ended in crushing despair and ill-advised trips to gay bars. Each one will be divided into three parts: what happened (the mostly-true account of the event), what should have happened (the hoped-for outcome that inevitably never came to fruition) and a few sample lines from the breathtaking, yet ultimately abandoned column. Hallowang What happened Through a bizarre set of coincidences, I learn of a fabled “Hallowang” party being thrown somewhere on Water Street. The idea – a costume party exactly six months before and after Halloween – is a noble one, and along with that machine that can launch a Busch Light clear across your living room, certainly represents frat-boy ingenuity at its finest. I soon discover a group of attractive lady friends will also be attending said festivities. They’re going as Ghostbusters – complete with jumpsuits and inflatable proton-packs – prompting me to stick some batteries and stereo wire to a metal colander, put in on my head and go as Louis Tully, a.k.a Vince Clortho, Keymaster of Gozer. Arriving at the pre-determined Water Street bar (Mel’s? Art’s?), we find the number of costumed attendees lacking. Though we receive our fair share of confused looks – along with a large number of people who mistake me for Doc Brown from Back to the Future – the night nonetheless proceeds swimmingly. Things turn quickly tragic, however, after I accidentally thrust a lit cigarette into my friend Kelly’s open eye; following some worried fretting and a few more drinks, she’s fine, and the entire Hallowang contingent hops on a chartered school bus headed for our final destination, Cans. Once there, awards are given out for the best costumes, and we end up losing to two chumps dressed as Fred and Velma from Scooby-Doo. The night concludes at Foundation (more confused looks), where a drunken, nonsensical argument over a deflated proton-pack signals an […]
Jun 1st, 2007 by Matt Wild
