TCD’s 2013 New Year’s Hangover Guide

Don’t pretend you’ve never googled “how the hell do I cure this hangover.” In a city like Milwaukee, with New Year’s Eve just around the corner, TCD wants to alleviate your pounding head and churning tummy. With staff remedies as well as some tips from local bartenders, we’ve put together a hangover guide to make your transition into 2013 a little more tolerable. Feel better soon! Love, TCD.

Matthew, Boone & Crockett, Bay View

“Seltzer, lime, and bitters (*for those of you who don’t know, bitters is about 45 percent alcohol, so this is a hair-of-the-dog remedy). As far as hangover food, I would say chili and a BLT with fried egg.”

 

Paul and Tommy, Cafe Centraal, Bay View

“Ginger ale and a healthy helping of bitters. It settles the stomach. A beermosa (beer + OJ) is good too, or some yellow Gatorade. Not all at once though. And some greasy food.”

“Chocolate milk.”

Hugh and a patron, The Hotel Foster, the East Side

“When I have a hangover, that’s it. I just have a hangover. Don’t get one to begin with, is my best advice.”

“Bitters. Cleanse out that liver.”

Steve, Yield, the East Side

“Brunch and a bloody mary. It’s generic, but it works.”

Lizzy, Sam and a patron, The Nomad, Brady St.

“Gatorade. Time. An IV?”

“Suffer through it. Sleep the day away.”

“A beer at lunch. Isn’t weed good for a hangover? Xanax? Just kidding.”

Mark, The Garage, Brady St.

“Avoid humanity. Delivery, Netflix and a couch.”

Danielle, Arts & Culture Intern, TCD

I’m perhaps the only person left who enjoys/purchases it, but Yo-J is my go-to hangover remedy. There’s something very Maalox-esque about it; it coats the stomach and soothes that acid-reflux-oh-my-gosh-I’m-gonna-barf type feeling. Next, a trip to Jimmy John’s and a thorough tongue-brushing has me feeling vaguely human again.

Here’s a few more of TCD’s New Year’s hangover remedies from years past:

Carly Rubach’s natural liver cleanse (yep, we said it)

After a night of good or bad times, I usually dive right into brunch and a bloody. This year, I’m going to take a cue from Dr. Oz and try some good old Milk Thistle Liver Cleanse before I go out. Apparently this magical stuff helps your liver cast off toxins, and that sounds like a nice treat for your body. Have you tried it? It also works the morning after, and can be got near you at Outpost Natural Foods or GNC. And if Walgreens is your option, you’ll find ReNew Life CleanseSmart, which has lots of great detoxifiers. But be careful! The label warns that CleanseSmart is for “Experienced Cleansers” only!

Dan Shafer’s “thirsty dude” solution

As late comedian Mitch Hedberg joked years ago, you don’t have to be sweating and holding a basketball to enjoy a Gatorade, you can just be a thirsty dude. (Gatorade forgets about this demographic!) And in my experience, there is no drink more helpful to wane the dehydrating effects of a New Year’s Eve well spent than the electrolyte-loaded re-hydrating glory of Gatorade. Make sure to eat some eggs (or something with protein) to offset the sugar if and when your stomach is ready. Flavor of choice? Blue. Not “Cool Blue,” the other blue (yes, it matters). You won’t regret it.

Judith Ann Moriarty’s “punishing” morning

Once I’m outta bed, I break one raw egg and pour it on my head. Thirty minutes on my Schwinn exercycle, an hour in the shower, towel with sandpaper, and I’m good to go. Punishment makes my hangover go away.

Curt Yorkey’s raw advice

Most people know when they will be tying one on, so your hangover remedy needs to be thought out in advance and prepared the night before. Might be too late for that now, but save this one for next time – you won’t regret it. Before going to sleep, eat a raw beef and onion sandwich on rye bread (an actual sandwich, not a cocktail rye!). Follow that with four aspirin and 16 ounces of cranberry juice. Upon waking up, make yourself a very spicy Bloody Mary, and drink lots of water. Pure magic, tah-dah!

Elisabeth Albeck’s 5-hour cure

8 a.m.: Chug two glasses of water (the second should be taken with lemon-lime EmergenC and/or ibuprofen)

8:10: Brush teeth (at least you won’t taste your impropriety, even if you still feel it)

8-11 a.m.: Second sleep, with groggy snuggling. Humans or cats are welcome partners.

11 a.m.: Shower. At least you won’t smell your worst, even if you feel it. And get some of that glitter out of your hair — you’ll have to go back to work in a few days. Note: most cats won’t like to do this with you.

11:30 a.m.: Head to the nearest café for a three-shot latte. Take a walk around the neighborhood to get the blood flowing. Wear blue-blocker shades and shed a trail of last night’s glitter still clinging to your coat.

12:00 p.m.: Brunch! Po-ta-toes. Rye toast. More coffee. Convene for buzzed conversation. Discuss resolutions and/or what actually happened last night. Combine forces with brunching partners to complete a crossword puzzle so as to hone mental acuity and counteract the squandering of many brain cells.

1:00 p.m.: Sweat out some toxins. Shovel snow; go to the gym; hit up yard sales and haul away a Wurtlizer electric organ (if you have friends with you) or a side table (if you’re solo); play air guitar and dance around your house to 90’s music (sha -la-la-la-la) in mismatched socks and flannel; vigorously clean your entire kitchen including the fridge; do other stuff that makes you sweat. Humans and cats still welcome.

Brian Jacobson’s quick pickle fix

Pickle Juice. If you must, mix with equal parts Bushnell. Then get some B-vitamins, hydrate and sleep.

Erin Petersen’s au-naturel recommendations

When wine or champagne is the culprit, and I wake feeling thoroughly parched and highly acidic, my go-to is always a large bottle of sparkling water. It does double-duty: the water rehydrates and the bubbles help to soothe an upset stomach. Keep a few bottles or cans cold and then sip slowly throughout the morning. I also like to mix ½ tsp. of baking soda in a glass of water to help relieve indigestion or heartburn.

Other things that aid in hydration and overall wellness:

• Bananas! Chock full of potassium
• Peppermint or Ginger Tea. Good for a sour tummy and to help get that nasty taste out of your mouth
• Potatoes. But don’t go fried– the oil is only going to create more acid in your stomach. Roasted or baked taters are best and will help neutralize your belly. Be forewarned though, bulky foods may sap your energy!
• Kombucha! Though the ancient fermented tea elixir’s health benefits are considered ambiguous by traditional medical standards, it’s filled with probiotics and antioxidants, and can aid in digestion, metabolism, improve immune function and helps in healthy cell function. You can buy it as a sweetened tea, or go balls-out with GT’s Brand. Be aware, though, that the latter is something of an acquired taste. So if you’re not a big fan of apple cider vinegar, I would try a different brand.
• Netflix Instant Watch. It may not get rid of your hangover, but it will keep you entertained while you recuperate on the couch.

Happy New Year, and cheers to a better and brighter 2013!