Terence Ray and the Milwaukee Fatherhood Initiative

Lewis Lee and luck don’t have a long history together.

At 35, the Milwaukee man and father of four has no job, no driver’s license and a $28,000 child support bill. Also a drug conviction.

“Having a criminal history, I have trouble finding employment,” he said.

Lee’s luck, however, began to change after attending the nonprofit Milwaukee Fatherhood Initiative annual summit in October.

Lee said the Initiative helped him lower the child support claim and obtain a driver’s license. He also received job leads and resources – help printing resumes, for instance – to interview for jobs.

“I was at the point where things were looking real grim,” he said. “The initiative gave me the motivation I needed to be the man I need to be for my family.”

That’s the idea behind the Initiative, located at 5003 W. Lisbon Ave. It began in 2005 after Mayor Tom Barrett requested the National Fatherhood Initiative hold a two-day training session here.

With an annual budget of about $200,000, the Initiative helps dads financially and emotionally so they feel they can contribute and be involved in their children’s lives. Terence Ray, director of the Milwaukee Initiative since its inception, said the nonprofit receives its funding from private donors and member fathers, who, if they can afford it, are asked to pay an annual $25 fee. Ray said right now about 45 fathers are active members.

“I think men, if they don’t have resources to support their children or they’re estranged from the mother, may not feel wanted,” said Mayor Barrett. “From my perspective, not having fathers involved tends to weaken families and doesn’t help children.”

Ray, 50, agreed: “Fathers feel like if they can’t provide, what’s the point in being around? They don’t know how to be a father.”

“Like most parents, I didn’t come with a manual,” he said. “We parent the way we were parented.”

His own father was emotionally distant, and Ray, the father of teenage daughters, didn’t want that for his family.

“My dad was a traditional ‘40s and ‘50s dad, the silent, protective type. His way of saying “I love you” was keeping food in the refrigerator and a roof over your head.”

Ray speaks proudly of his father, the first African-American truck driver in Milwaukee and one of the first blacks to live in the Lincoln Creek area. At the same time, he wanted to be a nurturing, involved father.

“I wanted to be like Kunta Kinte in Roots,’” said Ray. Just as in Roots, he held his newborns up the heavens and said, “Behold, this is the only thing greater than you are.”

“My fathering skills, to be quite honest, were not excellent,” he added, though he has been a constant in his daughters’ lives. “I just knew I was supposed to love my daughters.”

Love, he found out, was not enough. Fathers need skills and resources.

In the late 1990s, Ray said he was moved by a speech about fathers made by Vice President Al Gore, and the void in a child’s life when they are absent. According to the National Fatherhood Initiative, 34 percent of children in this country do not live with their biological father. Ray said Milwaukee follows that trend.

Ray said it’s often believed that absentee fathers are largely African-American and “automatically assigned as a low-income urban issue.” Not so.

“I’ve seen deadbeat white dads, deadbeat Indian dads, deadbeat Hispanic dads.”

MFI helps dads remain in their children’s lives by being a referral source for them, pointing fathers toward other community resources to help negotiate lower child support payments or secure a driver’s license so they have transportation to and from a job. “We know the resources in the community to steer them to,” said Ray, adding that MFI carries clout with their community partners. “We work directly with Child Support Enforcement.”

Probably most important, he said, is the emotional support offered to dads. Support groups and educational programming is offered at MFI.

“We know it’s rough,” Ray said. “We know the baby’s mother may be trippin’. We’re not anti-woman, but at the same time we’re pro-male.

“As much as you can cite data and statistics, you have to be around real fathers and mothers,” he said. “That’s key, that the men are part of something. In some cases, we replace gangs.”