It’s all in the details

My second week of training held two more meetings. The first was with a second shift supervisor who revealed, about half-way through, that he wasn’t going to be our supervisor. He was just there to lead the meeting.

But prior to that, he plowed in by reading aloud the first two pages of a thick packet of information. After he finished the second page, a woman in the back of the room said, “Hey – I’m sorry to interrupt, but who are you?” That was how we learned his title and position. We did not, however, learn his name at that point. Once he had gone over his company credentials, he proceeded to resume reading from the packet.

Someone else raised her hand. “Um, how long is this meeting?” We hadn’t been told anything before we went into this long, dark, narrow, overly-warm room. Not what we were doing, with whom we were doing it, for how long we would do it, what was the end goal. Nothing.

“This meeting takes about two hours,” he answered, “and it consists of me reading this packet and then answering your questions if you have any – which clearly you do, since I’m answering one now.” He chuckled at his cleverness and went back to reading.

I suppose years of speaking in a soothing manner in a call center will deaden anyone’s voice, but this guy provided no intonation, no inflection and seemed not to know what punctuation was or how it served to make the written word easier to understand. He blew through the end of every sentence, plunging steadily onward.

After another few pages, one of the guys in class cleared his throat. “Hey,” he said when he had everyone’s attention. “My name’s Micah. What’s yours?” I wasn’t sure how this obvious admonishment would go over, but the supervisor just looked up and cleared his own throat.

“Ray. Name’s Ray. Should we do a round of introductions or something?” At this point we were about halfway through the meeting (I think, I still don’t have a watch and there is not ONE clock!) and everyone was numb from sitting still and trying to stay awake. We all shook our heads dumbly. He continued.

A note about staying awake: Not everyone was successful. At one point, Ray looked up from reading, chuckled and said, “Oh, I’ve got some dozers!” I looked around and saw that three people from our class were, indeed, fast asleep. One had her head down on the table, one was leaning against the wall next to his chair, and the third had her head lulled fully back, eyes closed and mouth agape. Nice. Unfazed, Ray droned on. The rest of our group shifted uneasily in our seats. Were they just going to stay asleep? Was that okay? And if so, why weren’t we all napping?

To my great frustration, Ray kept contradicting himself as he went through the manual. You’ve probably experienced this: “‘Part 10 – You must be in … No, we don’t do that anymore. Forget I said that.” Or: “‘Part 12 – An employee may not bring his or her hamster to work, as the workplace is not a suitable environment for pets… Well, that’s not entirely true. Sometimes it’s Bring Your Pet to Work Day, and when that happens, all small rodents are welcome.” Okay, that last was a completely fictitious example, but it doesn’t come close to being as ridiculous as those wasted two hours.

On our way out of the room, I stopped by Ray’s table. He looked up at me expectantly. “That stack of papers,” I said, pointing to a GIANT pile of collated and stapled papers sitting next to him, “Are those…? I mean, um, what are those?”

“Those are copies of the packet I just read to you guys.”

A guy behind me asked, “Are we supposed to get one?”

“Nope. You don’t need one. I just told you everything you need to know,” Ray quipped. Excellent. Just perfect.

We also met that week with the HR Generalist to go over the attendance policy before we began our third week of training, which consists of taking live calls on the call floor with a coach listening in. Apparently, the rate of absenteeism skyrockets as soon as the trainees are out of the classroom and on the call floor.

“So, we make it pretty easy to get out of coming to work here,” he stated, by way of starting the meeting. Seriously, he said that. Then he explained that there are four ways to get a day off. You can plan way ahead and get a day off. You can plan a little ahead and get a day off. You can not plan anything and probably get a day off. Or, up to five times per review period, you can call in that day, get the day off and not face any disciplinary action. “Look,” he said, “We do NOT care why you are not coming to work. Don’t tell us. It doesn’t matter, not at all. All we need to know is who is actually showing up so we can staff the call center. That’s it. So, when you request time off, just put in the request. Don’t tell me that you need the time because your Grandma is 85 and might not live until her next birthday and so you reeaally need to go visit her. I don’t care. And if you’re calling, don’t fake-cough into the phone, because I’m just going to laugh at you. It doesn’t matter to us one lick if YOU personally are here. All that matters is that I have the coverage I need to run the call center.” And yes, he said “one lick”.

The cool kids were all nodding appreciatively at the news that they could skip whenever they wanted. I sat stunned, feeling utterly insignificant and totally replaceable. This is not comfortable for me. Perhaps it’s my own neurosis, but I need to be needed. It is important to me that the work I am doing is important to someone else – and that I am important to someone else. (Note to self: Reschedule appointment with therapist.)

Next, we learned about clocking in and logging in to our computers. You have 4 minutes from the time you clock in to be logged into your computer. And if your shift starts at 9:00, you need to be logged in and ready to help customers by 9:00 am. Not 9:01. 9:00. The same goes for breaks. If you have a 15-minute break, you have to take it at your assigned time unless you’re on a call. Do not start your break late or early unless you ask ahead and have your supervisor approve it. Then you can. But if you don’t, you can’t. (The double negatives were undoing my positive affirmations – and making my head spin.) But whether you start it right on time (like you’re supposed to) or whether you start at a different time (because you’re on a call or because your supervisor approved it), your 15 minute break is 15 minutes. That’s all. If you log out of the system at 11:17, you have to be logged back in and taking calls by 11:32.

There were no exceptions to that rule, and I was grateful that finally, finally something was entirely clear.