Tea Krulos


By - Mar 21st, 2009 04:47 pm
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Rollette Fidela Castrate (left) and Crazy 8 Cookie Ciano

Rollette Fidela Castrate (left) and Crazy 8 Cookie Ciano


By Tea Krulos

Photos by Joe Kirschling



First of all, you will notice that this column has had a venue change. That is because Vital Source magazine has morphed with other media outlets in an online cocoon and has emerged as urbanmilwaukeedial.com. Everyone on staff is excited to keep bringing you the derby coverage. There is no vodcast this time around the track, but it will return!

Voting for the new column name is underway here.

The voting has been fast and furious with “Derby Little Secrets” and “Gettin Down and Derby” currently leading, but like a roller derby match, anything can happen. Please take time to participate in this banana republic democracy by voting on your favorite title. Voting closes April 10, with the winning name to be announced at the Bruiser bout April 18.

And now, let’s kick out the jams:


Rushin Rollettes, 92 win over Crazy 8’s, 48

The Rollettes now have the best record this season with 4 wins and 1 loss. Rollette jammer Jackie O’Nihilate tore up the track with 31 big points, followed closely by her team mates Reina Pain and Rhoda Ruin, both with 29 points. Ruin says the Rollettes are the team that just keeps going.

“Yeah, we’ve really stepped it up this year as a team, training like maniacs, eating our beets and all of that. When it comes down to it, derby is about endurance, and we’re like Energizer Bunnies in that sense because we’ll just keep beating on the other team all day long,” Ruin said. She continued, “We’re like machines: Go fast, knock down, score points. Do over. And the cool thing is that it’s not just 2 or 3 players like this, it’s all of us! That freaks people out.”

The 8’s started with a strong season, but have suffered losses mid season. Missing players have left the remaining players in a position where they have to defend aggressively, reflected in the 8’s 56 minor and 11 major penalties. In addition, 8’s blocker The Mechanic and powerhouse pivot Servin Justice were both EJECTED from the game for excessive penalties as they bashed the Rollettes out of bounds.

The 8’s rotated in just 3 jammers, captain Cookie Ciano (with 20 points), Pabsty Cline (with 17 points) and Abba Zabba (with 11 points).


The Beerleaders

The audience had a rare opportunity at halftime to see a scrimmage by the Twin City Terrors, a league that plays Men’s roller derby. What? Men play roller derby, too? Indeed, and the number of men’s leagues are growing, from New York to Melbourne, Australia. Who knows, if Milwaukee can find enough manly men, maybe someday we’ll have a league skating out there as well!

The Twin City Terrors

Maiden Milwaukee, 89 wins over Shevil Knevils, 61

Grace Killy of Maiden Milwaukee (left) and the Knevil's Eviscerator

The Shevils, excited by last game’s win, hoped to keep the momentum going but were stopped short by the Maidens.

The Maidens had the highest-scoring high roller of the night, Rejected Seoul, with 39 points (up until now, Crazy 8’s captain Cookie Ciano has held that title every bout this season).

Also scoring big were the mysterious Sea Hag with 23 points and Madd Mallett with 19 points. Mallett also found herself in trouble when she was EJECTED from the game for penalties.

Although the Maidens put on a steady front, the magical Mandini, a Maiden pivot and blocker, also credits the Maiden’s new uniforms.

“The Maidens obviously won the last game because of the mesmerizing power of our new shiny pink March Madness jerseys; the Shevil Knevils were clearly spellbound.” Mandini said.

Hot shot rookie Femaldehyde led the Knevils scoreboard with 16 points.

The Knevils kept up with the Maidens until the last few jams of the first half, when Seoul scored a pair of 5-point Grand Slams, boosting the Maidens with an 18-point lead at half time. Add to that another pair of Grand Slams by Seoul right after the half and the sum was a gap the Knevils couldn’t close.

If any of these teams are going to pull surprises or secret weapons, now is the time to do it as the season winds down to the final two bouts.

Don’t miss the next Bruiser bout, Saturday, April 18!

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