Masters of the Universe

The CEOs of the Big Three American automakers are returning to Capitol Hill clearly chastened by the lashing they took two weeks ago.

Back then, they apparently expected easy access to a mere fraction of the $700 billion Congress has authorized to rescue the nation’s economy during this financial crisis.

One can understand their reasoning. After all, the collapse of their companies would put not only their own employees out of work but would have a devastating effect on their suppliers and thousands of other businesses.

Yet their failure to appreciate Congress’s distaste for bailing them out and their inability to predict the public relations disaster that would result from arriving in separate corporate jets make you wonder if these guys should be trusted running a car dealership in Sheboygan.

Nobody wants to see more people out of work. And I certainly don’t want to see labor contracts that provided job security and health and pension benefits held up as the whipping horse responsible for the Big Three’s downfall. The idea behind those labor agreements, despite the need for some common sense reforms, should serve as models rather than dismissed as a symptom of poor management.

Experts tell us that the immediate challenge facing our economy, including the carmakers, is the sudden evaporation of credit and the Big Three certainly have assets that can be used as collateral for the loans they seek. But the image problem facing the bozos in charge on Wall Street and Detroit cannot be so easily addressed.

Once again the curtain has been pulled to reveal these so-called “Masters of the Universe” who earn millions of dollars a year while driving their businesses into the ground. Do you remember “Bonfire of the Vanities,” the Tom Wolfe novel that poked fun at the go-go economy of the 1980s.

The book was made into a not-so-well-received movie featuring Bruce Willis, Tom Hanks and Melanie Griffith in 1990 and many may feel that the story hasn’t aged well.

Well I’ve got news for you. The powerful message of the book, just as relevant as ever, is that the American Dream isn’t about working hard and living within your means. That’s for chumps who can get laid off without warning or justification. The American Dream is about making a killing, either through luck, like with a lottery ticket or at the casino, or, more venally, by manipulating the system like the Michael Millkens, Jeffrey Skillings and Ken Lays of recent memory.

Of course, the trick is to avoid having one’s cover blown, either through government investigation, scandal or coincidence.

Because there’s nothing the public enjoys more than watching one of the privileged few get their comeuppance. That’s the power of the Fourth Estate. It can be noble and lead to the unveiling of corruption and other crimes or it can be petty and exploitative, like watching a celebrity go through the humiliation of a perp walk.

So enjoy the bread and circuses as the mighty are held accountable. Hopefully, our leaders in Washington will give some consideration as to how best to save and grow decent, family supporting American jobs.