VITAL’s predictions for 2008

By - Dec 4th, 2007 02:52 pm
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Formulating predictions for a new year can be ironic — they usually revolve around the roadblocks we couldn’t bust through in the previous year. What license are we issued to move the immovable just by the setting and rising of the sun one more time, one more bout of shuteye, one more flip of a shiny but flimsy paper calendar?

Honestly, I guess it’s mere fortitude and natural human resilience that make us size up the year, grab onto the good things, turn our eyes from to the not-so-good things and step forward. Fortitude itself — endurance, courage, resoluteness, mettle, guts, grit, determination — whatever you want to call it, will be the impetus for taking our ‘baby steps’ into 2008.

2007 was a toughie, to put it nicely. When you rack up the points it seems the scores is ‘us’-zero; social, economical, psychological, physical and spiritual ‘them’ – yikes, let’s not think about it. But the proverbial pendulum is in constant motion. Yeah, we got whacked on the head as it was swinging to the other side, but it’s going to come back. Maybe we’ll have the grace to duck this time and the strength to use those setbacks as fuel for the fire and energy to burn them away. We’ll build up again — stronger this time. I think we’ve got a good shot.

With no further ado, let us present you with an assortment of predictions for the year 2008, cobbled together from the highly informed, expertly reasoned and cosmically attuned minds of our editors, writers, photographers, illustrators and administrators. We hope you enjoy them, although we can’t say we hope that all of them come true.  –Erin Wolf

MATT WILD – STAFF WRITER, “SUBVERSIONS”

It will continue to be hard out there for a pimp.
Approximately 50% of the country will feel slightly nauseous the first time they find themselves saying the words “President Giuliani.”
The Fourth of July will fall on a Friday.

ELEMENT EVEREST – ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE AND RESIDENT ROCKSTAR

Gas prices will continue to rise to over $4.00.
Mad Cow Disease will return with a vengeance.
Soy will be bad for you, then good for you, then bad for you again.
A human being will be cloned.
Scientists will find a way to download music into your dreams.

JON ANNE WILLOW – CO-PUBLISHER AND EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

Global markets will gain strength as the dollar continues to weaken, due in part to stubborn crude and natural gas prices. By year’s end, everyone will wear solar pants to keep warm and look hot doing it.

AMY ELLIOTT – MANAGING EDITOR

In 2008, the ’90s are going to make a big comeback. The 1890s. Look out for shirtwaists, tall collars, buggies, bowlers, pointed beards, ragtime, absinthe, waltzing and “Gold Rush Chic.”

PETE HAMMILL – MUSIC EDITOR AND FORKLIFT OPERATOR

I predict my death by forklift.

TIM EDGAR – CARTOONIST, “THINGS THAT ACTUALLY HAPPEN TO ME”

In the year 2008, there still will not be flying cars.

ERIN LANDRY – PHOTOGRAPHER

I predict that obesity related deaths in the united states will finally overshadow cancer deaths.

BRIAN JACOBSON – CULTURAL COMMENTATOR

Cars will run on corn, electricity, hydrogen, and other vegetables. Oh, and gasoline.
The term “paper or plastic” will come to mean something altogether different and nasty, thereby ruining it for grocery stores.
Famous people will die, mostly in threes.
Bay View will become the new East Side, making Riverwest the new Brown Deer and and Cudahy the new Mexico. VS

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