Second-Generation Tribe

I’ve been home for the holiday and am, as always, amazed at how metro Des Moines, Iowa, has grown and changed since I grew up here. Some of these changes, like shopping centers and multi-lane highways, are to be expected – such things weren’t widely required most places in the Plains region of the Midwest when I was a girl. Others are more surprising – population of my hometown of Norwalk (formerly 7 miles south of Des Moines, now not discernibly separate) was 1,300 in the 1970 Census. Today, 11,000 suburbanites enjoy three golf courses, two coffee shops, a nice library, a public swimming pool and skate park, multiple convenience stores and fast food restaurants plus much more. With my rudimentary understanding of how population, business and property ownership affect the tax base, I can safely guess that the kids in my old high school now have separate uniforms for track, basketball and softball. My Norwalk girls basketball team is ranked number one. They were on the front page of my county newspaper (circ. 8,630), along with lots of other high school sports news.

I didn’t stay with my parents in Norwalk. There’s just too many of us now for their modest two-bedroom split level, so the nine attending members of the Willow/Tomaszek/Garner tribe stayed at a Best Western. Last night was our final evening in town and my parents reserved the breakfast room and trucked in a bunch of food for a swimming party. Family members, friends, their mates and all their children streamed from the buffet to the pool and back, exclaiming over the new babies, new photos and new information incepted since our last meeting. The last of us finally gave up on Totally 80s Trivial Pursuit just before midnight and finished cleaning up before stumbling to bed. It was my boyfriend’s first time to meet everyone, and in introducing him to everyone and explaining the sometimes protracted associations, it occurred to me that my tribe in Milwaukee was not an original idea. My sisters and friends made our tribe in response to a desire for the love and support of a big, extended family close by. Last night’s gathering was anchored by my parents’ friends from forever. Then there were us kids, our own friends and our kids, several of whom are already almost old enough to have their own kids. Some of us only see each other every few years or so. One of my friends has a four year-old I still haven’t met. But it doesn’t matter; we all know that if that little boy ever needed anything that one of us could provide, it would be given without question. So our tribe in Milwaukee, as it turns out, is an extension, a satellite office if you will, of a core that emanates at least in part from a small Iowa town where, 35 years ago, a group of young parents met (or re-met from childhood) and created the big, extended family they all wanted.

Standing under the hot water in the hotel shower this morning, I thought about our kids. Someday they will go out in the world, and I bet at least one of them will connect with a group of people in close physical proximity to himself and create his own tribe, which will be part of our tribe, which is part of my parents’ tribe, and so it will go… and that’s pretty cool.