Sports
Don’t Fear The Beard (8-10)
Dear Ken Macha, Nicely done, Ken. Sometimes a manager needs to find unorthodox ways to motivate a struggling team. Ned used to pick random games to completely freak the fuck out on an umpire over a bad call or because his favorite NASCAR driver lost. I can’t say I’ve never heard of managers embracing the beard in order to inspire their team, but it’s pure genius nonetheless. Corey Hart dyes his beard black, becoming a slightly more athletic version of Mose Schrute in the process, and after a four game winning streak all criticism about the front office, your grandfatherly looks and your players’ performance vanishes. Just look at how it helped your offense: Ryan Braun, spurred on by the Amish work ethic symbolized in Corey’s Pennsylvanian chinstrap, hit 3 HRs, knocked in 8 runners and raised his average by over 100 points. He even had the game-winning RBI in Saturday’s back and forth game against the ‘Stros. After struggling mightily for the first three weeks, Prince Fielder responded to the beard like no other. No stranger to facial hair himself, Fielder had his first multi-homer game and doubled his season RBI total over the weekend. It’s always nice to have your two best sluggers hitting well on the road and it looks like your plan worked perfectly, Ken. JJ Hardy, fan of the goatee, had a three-hit game for the first time this season, bringing his batting average that much closer to local gas prices than the week before. Baby steps, Ken, baby steps. If that wasn’t enough proof of your managerial brilliance look no further than your pitching staff’s response to the beard decree. After a tumultous three weeks full of walks, walks, and more walks, this year’s staff is on pace to shatter the 2001 staff’s record for runs walked in. I know you weren’t around at the time, Ken, but no one wants to relive the days when Ruben Quevedo was a part of our rotation. But, I digress. Motivated by your embrace of the beard, serious beardsman Dave Bush was this close no-hitting the Phillies if not for mythic Matt Stairs’ home run in the eighth inning (I’m sure they hammered your ass for that, Matt). Chinstrap enthusiast Yovani Gallardo even looked impressive in a complete game win against the hopeless Astros. Is it possible that Braden Looper would pitch even better if he had a chin curtain or extended mutton chops? Think about it, Ken. Not everyone benefited from your beard shenanigans, though. Rickie Weeks still needs to remember what it’s like to take a walk or cleanly field and throw a baseball, and Jorge Julio needs to be left at George Bush Intercontinental Airport. But apart from those minor issues, your unconventional moves are starting to pay off. Keep it up, Ken. Best Regards, Rob Vosters
Apr 26th, 2009 by Adam Lovinus
Hot Coffey! (4-8)
Dear Ken Macha, You hanging in there, Ken? After another tough week filled with frustrating losses, it’s like you just can’t catch a break. While some fans are already wondering who we can jettison mid-season in order to add another starting pitcher, I think it’s a little hasty to think about those questions just yet. Perhaps our most vocal of fans are a little too accustomed to the “every game counts” mentality of the football season or maybe they just want to give Tom Haudricort an aneurysm. Either way, it’s about time we focused on some of the better moments and performances of this short season. Maybe it’ll cheer you up a bit. Let’s start with the offense. Mike Cameron is earning love from Miller Park Drunk for being the equivalent of chairs at a tailgate party. Does that make Craig Counsell the ever-helpful beer-fetching child? Corey Hart is starting strong, too, sporting a robust .385 OBP. He’ll look even more brooding on the basepaths now that he dyed his hair black. Ok, maybe that’s about all the good news on the offensive side. Everyone else is doing just enough to keep the fans at bay for now. The pitching is where you should find some solace in the poor start. Our starting pitching has been characterized as erratic, but every starting pitcher has had a quality start this week. Even Jeff Suppan had a quality start on Sunday; maybe that talking-to you gave him did some good. This hasn’t necessarily translated into success for you yet, but it’s a good sign that soon you won’t have to answer questions about your starting pitching woes from everyone with an opinion about your starting pitching woes! The bullpen, Ken, is where you can find the best news so far. Five words: Mike DiFelice and Todd Coffey. This dynamic duo is keeping you in games long enough for your defense to make game-losing errors or for your closer to blow saves — sometimes both! Throw in R.J. Swindle — what a great name for southpaw strikeout artist — and maybe you’ll be able to put your middle-relief on auto-pilot once Trevor Hoffman returns. Coffey, with his barrel-chest and ginger beard, single-handedly saved the day on Sunday, pitching out of a bases-load jam for you and then going another two innings for his first save since 2006. Even more impressive is that he hasn’t given up a run in 17 innings dating back to last year. This guy is hungry, Ken, and not just for the tasty desserts in the Metavante Club. Keep him fed with innings, save opportunities and Dippin’ Dots. There’s a lot going for you, Ken. Your team hasn’t been blown out 22-4 and you’re only 3.5 games out of first place. Plus, you get to face a struggling Phillies squad for a three game tilt starting Tuesday. Tune out the naysayers, feed the Todd and let’s get some revenge on the Phillies! Best Regards, Rob Vosters
Apr 19th, 2009 by Adam Lovinus
It’s only April, stay cool. (3-6)
Dear Ken, It’s been a tough start, but stay cool. Let the Fonz show you how – that’s what he’s here for. Forget that we’re still looking for that first series win after dropping four of six games at home against the Chicago Cubs and Cincinnati Reds. No need to fluster; it’s April. Here’s some free advice I think can help our Crew. About the starting rotation: Bloggers are calling for Jeff Suppan’s head after Monday’s debacle. I saw the look on your face after his third consecutive bases-loaded walk; I’m not surprised that you pushed Soup back in the rotation so he can work on throwing strikes without, you know, giving away ballgames to our archrivals. Yovani Gallardo suffered some growing pains when the Reds busted him for seven runs Tuesday. Shit happens, YoGa will be fine. Manny Parra and Braden Looper looked solid in their outings, and I’m liking the back half of the rotation. Now about those bats: Word on the street is Ryan Braun is nursing that intercostal strain from last year, which is why he’s off to a slow, homer-less start. You have seven other hitters to pick up the slack. Mike Cameron is on fire, the best we’ve seen him hit in Milwaukee. Corey Hart is looking better; thanks for passing along my advice about laying off those low-and-away breaking pitches. “Pretty” Rickie Weeks is showing some pop in his bat, but I’m not sure he belongs in the leadoff spot with his strikeout numbers. Try batting him in the six or seven spot, and put Kendall in the leadoff spot like you did in Oakland. Your bullpen is like a box of chocolates: They’ve only blown one lead, but maybe that’s because they haven’t inhereted very many leads yet. It’s early, but it scares me that Todd Coffey has the best-looking arm of the bunch. You must be looking forward to closer Trevor Hoffman’s return; I like Carlos Villanueva better in middle relief. Notes to pass along to the guys: Bill Hall: Slightly above average is all we need. Maintain. Dave Bush: Love the beard; it’s way badder than Corey’s. Bill Schroeder: If you see Trenni Kuznierek, tell her we miss her. Craig Counsell: Keep it gritty. That’s how we do in North Central Little League. Brian Anderson: I never made the “connection” between Wilco and Grateful Dead fans, thanks for pointing that out. I’m sure Jeff Tweedy appreciated it. That should do it, Ken. Stay positive, and be well on your upcoming eleven-game road trip. Best, Adam Lovinus
Apr 16th, 2009 by Adam Lovinus
Welcome Home, Ken! (2-4)
Dear Ken Macha, After going 1-2 out in San Francisco, you took the Crew back to Milwaukee for the unofficial holiday that is the Brewers’ home opener. Just in case you were wondering: that smell was from all the brats, that large contraption in the parking lot with the multitude of tubes is a 12-person beer bong and, yes, Cubs fans are really like that all the time. I’m sure you were excited to get your first home game under your belt and to see how Braden Looper would pitch in his first start as a Brewer. After straining a back muscle during a particularly vicious sneeze, Looper spent most of spring training in an allergen-free suite at Miller Park. Well-rested, Looper looked to start his Brewers career off on the right foot against the Cubs. And indeed he did, scattering four walks and five hits, including a home run to Milton “Chutes n’ Ladders” Bradley, in a reasonably solid five innings of work. That’s got us feeling good, I’m sure you as well. But like Miller Chill, things turned horribly sour after Seth McClung gave up that two-run home run to Koyie Hill in the sixth. You probably weren’t very happy with that, but you managed to keep your composure without making weird faces like a certain ex-manager used to do all the time. Fortunately for you, Ryan Braun brought back fonder memories of 2008 when he plated a huskier-for-2009 Rickie Weeks to win the game in the bottom of the ninth. Your first game in the stadium that the tenth-of-a-penny tax paid for was a success, and everyone in Milwaukee drank even more to celebrate. Well done, Ken. Saturday was a similar story, but a different ending. Our victory was snatched from our non-beer hand by Alfonso Soriano’s two-run home run off the non-twittering Villanueva (Carlos) in the top of the ninth. As disappointing as that was, it’s important to remember that Dave Bush pitched well, and Prince Fielder was able to make Carlos Zambrano forget about his no-hitter at Miller Park last year. Even Jon Corey Hart showed improved patience at the plate, walking twice in each of the first two games of the series. That’s not bad for someone who walks about as often as a Waukesha motorist parked at a Sonic. You had sufferin’ Jeff Suppan on the mound on Sunday, much to the chagrin of everyone who likes to win baseball games. Jeff’s been getting a bad rap lately from fans, blogs and admirers of good pitching everywhere, but at least he’s earned the respect of Doug Melvin and the rest of the Brewer’s front office. Does he still have your respect after Sunday’s horrible outing? Three consecutive bases loaded walks? Srsly? I know you’re calm as the other side of the pillow, Ken, but Soup’s struggles have to be bothering you, right? Well, chin up. I don’t need to tell you it’s early yet. Best regards, Rob Vosters
Apr 13th, 2009 by Adam Lovinus
Welcome aboard, Ken (1-1)
4/9/2009 Dear Ken Macha, Welcome aboard! How does it feel to be a Milwaukee Brewer? We’re so glad you’re here; it’s great to see someone that’s not Ned Yost in the dugout this spring. I don’t know if you followed the Brewers last year, but ol’ Nedly was run out of town when his playoffs-bound ball club nearly derailed at the end of last season. So live up your not-Ned honeymoon – it should last at least through May or so. I’m familiar with your work in Oakland, so I know you’re a playoffs-type guy. That’s good; we’re all expecting playoffs in Milwaukee after our taste in ’08. Other more pessimistic bloggers are predicting a .500 season. Not me, and I know not you either. You took a lot of guff for starting Jeff Suppan opening day. Admittedly, yeah, I thought it was a weird move. Jeff’s a good guy and a veteran; he came with a pedigree to be ice-cold in big games. But you’ll learn he puts an inordinate amount of runners on base, and that’s frankly annoying. You’ll catch on, and probably become annoyed too. I like your aggressiveness running the bases, and the way you deked-out the FSN guys talking about your “conservative” approach. Very sneaky. I’m glad to see Ryan Braun and Mike Cameron attempt steals; it brings me back to the run-and-gun days of Tom Trebelhorn. Also, thank you for having a short string with relief pitchers who can’t find the strike zone. Nedly used to let pitchers have focus meltdowns on the mound. When you pulled Mitch Stetter after walking one batter in the 7th inning last night, it was a relief. Thanks. I think the two-hole is a great place for Corey Hart. He’ll see better pitches and maybe he won’t be so apt to flail at garbage like he did at the end of last year. Stick with him. Please tell Ricky Weeks to set an example for Little Leaguers and catch pop flies with TWO HANDS! Makes me nervous otherwise. You know that Yovani Gallardo is your staff ace. What you might not know is he can bat fifth — did you see what he did with that Randy Johnson fastball last night? Something to consider. Tell Prince Fielder and Bill Hall to lay off the high ones. That’s all for now. Go out at take this series from the Giants, and we’ll see you this weekend. Thanks again, and welcome aboard! Sincerely, A. Lovinus
Apr 9th, 2009 by Adam Lovinus
Wisconsin Prominent in SI Coverage This Week
Sports Illustrated is loaded with Wisconsin ties this week, both in print and on the internet – and we’re not even talking about the first place Brewers.
Jul 6th, 2007 by Michael Horne
