Birther bozos need a new nose
Goaded into action by a nattering of numbskulls, Barack Obama finally released the long form of his Certificate of Live Birth from the state of Hawaii, and hopefully threw the last shovel of dirt onto this inception nonsense. But no, probably not. As we speak, vanquished Birther Bozos are crawling out of the crypt searching for a new nose to wear. First the short form, now the long form, soon they’ll want to see the director’s cut. Then, on a television near you, the mini-series.
Others, like Newt Gingrich, refuse to be convinced. “There are still questions.” Yeah, and besides, Obama’s citizenship is due to a technicality, because on August 4th, 1961, Hawaii had been a state for less than two years. Maybe the flippo- units will switch tactics and demand proof he’s not a Muslim…and won’t be satisfied until they see a signed and dated parchment from Allah.
Don’t think this is over. This is not over — not by a long shot. People believe what they want to believe, facts be damned. Thirty percent of the GOP still believes Saddam Hussein was responsible for 9/11 and weapons of mass destruction are currently cruising the streets of Fallujah disguised as ice cream trucks. Driven by men wearing tinfoil hats. What’s next? Will a committee be empanelled to investigate the number of moles on the president’s body? “Where are they and why is he hiding them? And exactly how many of them are shaped like his socialist supervisor, Cuba?”
Obama’s actions spurred some on the Right to charge him with orchestrating this whole distraction to keep the country from the real issues. Wow. The perfect somersault of blaming the hit-and-run victim for walking alone on a sidewalk late at night. “He attacked my bumper with his chest.”
The disgrace is, the President was forced to hold a press conference. Not to address the reshuffling of his national security team, but rather… where he was born. His exact quote was: “[We’re] not going to be able to do our jobs if we get distracted by sideshows and carnival barkers.” In response, the main carnival barker, Donald Trump, claimed to be honored for making the president jump through hoops like a trained Pomeranian.
The Donald is that kid in high school who’s oblivious to the whole class making fun of him, including the teacher. Faced with the very concrete evidence he insisted on viewing, you’d think he’d find a gracious way to back off, but you’d be as wrong as blaze orange camo. Buffalo chip cookies. Cheesecloth mittens.
The Aerodynamic Coif himself instead upped the ante to question how a guy named Barack Hussein Obama got into Harvard Law. Now he wants to see his college transcripts, which is a really, really sly way of throwing out the “n” word.
We need Trump to provide samples of his DNA to prove he’s actually a carbon- based life form. Show us your hairline, Captain Carnival Barker.
The New York Times says Emmy- nominated comedian and writer Will Durst “is quite possibly the best political satirist working in the country today.” Check out Redroom.com to find out about upcoming stand- up performances or to buy his book, The All- American Sport of Bipartisan Bashing.
