Obama’s creed cred

A few years ago anybody who spoke disparagingly of the President of the United States was immediately labeled a traitor and accused of coddling the terrorists with a back rub. Not any more. Hammering, slamming and pounding the President these days has once again become a cottage industry. A competitive blood sport.

You’re even allowed to call him a terrorist, citing his refusal to answer the key question: “When did you stop being a Muslim?”

This is not just about the new poll that reveals one-fifth of the American public believes President Obama is an adherent to Islam (a larger percentage than when he was elected). It is obvious why this is thus. People are idiots – stone-crazed loons with jellied brains who enjoy sticking immersion blenders up their noses and will claim with their dying breath that professional wrestling is legitimate.

I’m also talking about so-called Christian leaders who authoritatively state that his “Muslimness” has been passed genetically down from his father. And let’s not forget the rabid right-wing talk show hosts who publicly hope for him to fail and privately encourage listeners to send him homemade mayonnaise that’s been left on the roof of an Iowa county fair cattle barn over the weekend.

Then there are other folks who hedge their bets by allowing that Obama may be a Christian but question whether it’s the right strain of Christianity. According to these self-sainted experts, there are two kinds of Christians: those who believe the exact same thing that they do, and those doomed to spend all of eternity burning in the unquenchable fires of Hell. Bless their little hearts.

And we shouldn’t forget the Apostles of Greed, a subversive segment who use religion as a financial cudgel, characterizing anyone who speaks about Jesus’ mandate to first see to the needs of the least fortunate as a godless communist. And a godless communist is much worse than a Muslim any day. Except around Ground Zero, where it’s not.

The good news is that the very same people convinced that he’s a Muslim do believe he’s black — and not just black, but clenched-right-fist-raised-high-in-the-sky-wearing-shades-and-a-bow-tie black. Makes Malcolm X look like a lovable Scottish imp.

Another misconception, since Obama has always taken pains to play down race to where it’s barely visible with a molecular microscope. Besides, we all know he’s only half- black. And that too is so America. “Yeah, yeah, we’re evolved enough to elect an African- American president, but first, I don’t know, why don’t we try out… a half black guy. Got to walk before you run. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. Baby steps. We’ll work our way up to Ving Rhames.” Of course you know who plays Barack in the movie. Tom Hanks. Just like Sara Lee; nobody doesn’t like Tom Hanks.

So let us recap: yes, he’s black, but no, he’s not Muslim. And while we’re at it, let’s quit it with the born-in-Kenya thing would you? It’s getting old. He was born in Hawaii. In a manger. We all know that. And then visited by the three Haoles. Who presented him with gold, frankincense and poi. It’s so damn frustrating when people get their facts wrong.

Milwaukee native Will Durst is now a San Francisco-based political comedian who often writes. This being a questionable example. His new CD, Raging Moderate, is now available from Stand Up! Records on both iTunes and Amazon.