Quiznos and the Free Gay Marketplace

Fig.1: A Quiznos mascot distributes pro-gay propaganda at Christian music festival Lifest 2008 in Oshkosh, WI

When Sean Penn accepted the Best Actor oscar this year for his portrayal of the title character in Milk, he unapologetically turned his acceptance speech into a political statement on the advancing of gay rights and equality (as Sean Penn is wont to do, being a Hollywood actor whose opinions are more important than those of normal mortal humans like you and I):

For those who saw the signs of hatred as our cars drove in tonight, I think that it is a good time for those who voted for the ban against gay marriage to sit and reflect and anticipate their great shame and the shame in their grandchildren’s eyes if they continue that way of support. We’ve got to have equal rights for everyone.

Yes, Proposition 8 was a huge blow to the advancing cause of homosexual equality, but as many people more educated than I have noted, the slim margin with which the proposition passed compared to similar initiatives in years past shows that America is moving (albiet at a glacial pace) in a more progressive direction with regard to its stace on homosexuality. (In fact, the fivethirtyeight.com article linked discusses how divided the vote was on a generational basis–young voters overwhelmingly opposed Prop 8 while older voters supported it.)

So the passage of Prop 8 was demoralizing for the forces of equality, it is true. But let’s remember, folks–we’re discussing government here, and government and politics move at a glacial pace when it comes to shifts in the cultural landscape (see: the difference between the hoopla over Bill Clinton’s pot use and the “so what?” reaction to Barack Obama’s admission of past drug use, including cocaine). To see where we really are as a culture, perhaps we should take a cue from our fellow Americans over on the right side of the aisle and see what’s happening in the free marketplace. Consumerism! Business! Advertising! The Republicans always say we should take our lead from the world of capitalism, so let’s play by their rules today.

So, what’s been going on in the world of advertising lately? How are businesses looking to grab America’s ever-scarcer disposeable income?

How does homoerotic fast food grab you, America?

Fig.2: Put it in me, Scott…put that foot-plus slab of meaty torpedo goodness in my gaping maw

The internet is buzzing over this one. No strangers to ads that, um, fall off the beaten path (remember the Quiznos rat-things?), Quiznos’ fast-food slashfic retelling of the relationship between HAL 9000 and Dave Bowman has all of Blogistan ruminating on the overtly sexual subtext.

Of course, queer progress is hard to come by, or even measure. Just yesterday, the governor of Vermont said that he would veto any gay-marriage bill brought to his desk — let’s hope the lame duck is overridden. Yet some of the most optimistic evidence that bigotry is going down can be found not in the courts or even on the streets, but in the common language of commerce.

This is a brilliant point rasied by Jeff Weinstein. Sure, we can point to the myriad examples of legit gay acceptance in our TV and films: Sean Penn benefitting from the Academy’s desire to make a statement while apologizing for blowing it on the whole Brokeback Mountain not winning Best Picture thing (sorry if you think Penn’s win was soley based on his acting chops, but come on); the establishment of Admiral Cain and Felix Gaeta as homosexual on Battlestar Galactica (years after producer Ron Moore’s last gig, the Star Trek franchise, refused to touch gay issues with a 12-foot
Bat’leth). But opponents of gay rights would just point to these examples as evidence of that modern-day Sodom Hollywood’s decayed, hedonistic values and their attempt to impose them on innocent, Jesus-loving flyover country.

But let’s follow Quiznos’ revenues for the next few months and see how the free market reacts to this blatant attempt to grab the gay market by its leather suspenders. Wouldn’t it be affirmingly hilarious to use the marketplace–your typical anti-gay conservative’s chosen barometer of human decency–as an argument showing a cultural shift toward gay acceptance? Oh, the delicious, toasty irony!

I guess what I’m trying to say is that forces beyond my control are pulling me toward the Quiznos on Wisconsin Ave. tomorrow. That toasty torpedo just looks so…mouth-wateringly appetizing. Nom nom nom.

(ENDNOTE: I suppose I should note that this column doesn’t necessarily constitute an endorsement of Quiznos specifically, considering their apparent shady treatment of their franchises–just an endorsement of their marketing plan. Oh, you tricky free market–for every ray of light you offer, you stack on another dozen depressing storm clouds.)