In which I Attend the Forward Music Fest, Day 1

fig.1: Screamin’ Cyn Cyn and the Pons tear it up at the Majestic Theatre

So here i am, blogging for VITAL Source for some reason. Because, hey, i sure don’t do enough blogging elsewhere. Nothing like spreading yourself too thin, right? Look, i won’t lie—I’m not here to be entertaining, and I’m not here to inform. I’m here because Matt Wild told me that blogging for VITAL nets you crazy mad tail.*

For my first Cultural Zero assignment, i was sent by my benevolent overlords to Madison for the first ever Forward Music Fest. A crapload of venues hosting an assload of bands for what amounted to be a shitload of bargains ($25 general admission pass plus a $10 VIP guaranteed access pass to the High Noon Saloon on Saturday night for the mighty and reunited KILLDOZER? Sign me the hizell up). Note: by “was sent by my benevolent overlords,” i mean that i said, “well, benevolent overlords, i bought a pass for this thing like two weeks ago; i suppose i could write it up for you guys.” So off i was, driving toward South Central Wisconsin (yo) in my badass Kia Optima blasting the Albini re-recording of Cheap Trick’s In Color, which knocks the original on its ass, in case you were wondering.

Upon my arrival i was immediately hit with a dilemma, as often happens at a music festival of this magnitude–do i head to the Frequency to see my pals the Skintones? It turns out the answer was “no,” because i was instructed by the internet to be sure i did not miss Israel’s road warriors Monotonix, who are gaining a reputation as one of the best live bands anywhere. So it was off to the Majestic Theatre with me.

The less said about the first band i saw at the Majestic, High Places, the less entertaining this entry will be, so let me consult the notes i wrote myself in my phone (take a notepad to a show? When i can send myself text messages? I am the future of music journalism!). Let’s see, what did i send myself…ah yes: “High Places: two white douchebags from New York sing over their half-assed cover of the Akira soundtrack.” Seriously, it’s a rule these days: when two people set up some boxes of noisemakers, call themselves a “band,” and then say they’re from NYC, you’re pretty much guaranteed some sort of “arty” self-indulgent bullshit which automatically commands respect simply because it’s from New York City. Sorry, i don’t buy salsa made in New York City, and i don’t buy artsy duos not named “Suicide” from there either…especially when one of them is dancing around like goddamn Robin Goodfellow playing a few electric drum pads and a woodblock. Gah. Let’s consult my phone again: “The high point of the set was when Shane from Cyn Cyn patted my ass and said ‘good hustle.'”

fig.2: Make sure that woodblock is properly miked, asshole

“Cyn Cyn” would be Screamin’ Cyn Cyn and the Pons, Madison’s very own punk rock cabaret trainwreck. What i absolutely love about Cyn Cyn is that their best sets are a complete mess, and i mean that in the best sense of the word. Shane dolls himself up in some gaudy-ass dress and glittery makeup while guitarist (and band namesake) Cynthia tears into her guitar while standing on a footstool and wearing a cocktail dress. I’ve said this to the band before–i get the impression that when they head out of town, half the crowd loves them and half the crowd stares blankly and thinks, “what the hell is this shit?” They’re a polarizing clusterfuck of tranny trash-punk and that’s why i love them. The Majestic Theatre isn’t the best venue for The Pons; it’s too clean and fancy. Frank’s Power Plant, where they played a few weeks back, is much more suited to their tornado attack. Still, i had fun, so screw it. BRING ON THE ‘TONIX.

fig.3: Oh, Shane. Lookit you. You so crazy.

I don’t think i can really put the Monotonix set into words and do it justice, so here: pictures!

fig.4: They have a lot of hair in Israel, apparently

fig.5: Yes, that’s the guitar player thumping the thump drum

fig.6: Great success!**

fig.oh, never mind

Get the point?
The entire next day, no matter where i went i heard someone trying to tell a friend about the Monotonix set. A few times, i simply walked over in the middle of yet another “and then–and then–they did this–thing, where–“, whipped out my camera, and said “i’ve got pictures,” and that pretty much got the point across.

I will say this: I’m interested in how the Monotonix live experience will hold up over repeated viewings, as they apparently do a lot of the same stunts over and over. And i will NEVER buy one of their records, because there’s no way one could hold up to that live show. But for now, that shiz was easily one of the best sets i’ve seen all year.

From there all that remained of the night was a trip across the Capitol square to The Frequency and Corral Room to bounce back and forth between sets by noise/synth/shred trio Zebras (easily my favorite new Madison discovery of the weekend–holy shit we need to play a show with those fools), Madison creature feature institution Knuckle Drager, and blistering greaser punks The Gusto. Let’s see, that’s day one, six bands, one of which was embarrassing, four of which were great, and one of which was ungodly transcendent. Not bad for four or five hours.

NEXT: Day 2, in which sound guys don’t know what they’re doing, The Box Social once again gets schooled in the art of the heckle by yours truly, and the cutest 21-year-old Killdozer fan you’ll ever meet almost gets herself and her friends kicked out of the High Noon Saloon due to excessive drunken antics. Obviously i had to buy her another drink. Stay tuned!

*claims in blog may not be 100% accurate
**i bet they NEVER hear that one