The Crazy 8s

In anticipation of the Brewcity Bruisers’ 2011 home season opener on January 8 at the US Cellular Arena, DJ Hostettler, aka BCB announcer DrAwkward, will preview each home team for ThirdCoast Digest.

In 2008, the Crazy 8s were crowned the Brewcity Bruisers’ league champions after defeating the Shevil Knevils.

In 2010…not so much.

It was a bottoming out for the ninjas in 2010, as they finished 0-5 with an 88-80 loss to Maiden Milwaukee last May. The stats tell the story; the team was outscored 548-301, only had lead jammer status 34.4 percent of the time (all three other teams were above 50), and they were the most penalized team in the league. But the 2011 edition of the Crazy 8s is retooled, remodeled, and in many ways not the same team that took up residence in the league cellar.

Thanks to a strong offseason draft, there are plenty of reasons to believe that the 8s will get off the shnide fairly early in 2011—not the least of which is a pair of all-star blockers poached from the league champion Rushin’ Rollettes.

New team captain Servin’ Justice explains how the team regrouped as they approached the draft.

“We made sure we picked not only talented skaters, but smart ones. Girls who scored high on the written tests were high on our list, because only so much of this game is in what you do on skates—so much more of it is in the head. If you know the rules and understand the strategy, you’re golden!” Justice claims her work as a rookie (or “fresh brew”) coach gave her a leg up in scouting, seeing that “the meat we had entering the draft this year were gonna be something awesome across the board.”

So who should the fans keep an eye out for? The 8s will field three new jammers this year in Scooter, EmFatale and 10Acious D, and new blockers and pivots Wipeout Scout, Bexit Wound, and Lady Pulverizer. The 8s have also added rookie Betty Boobs, who may look familiar since she’s the twin sister of 8s jammer Latina Heat. (No word from Justice as to whether they plan any WWE-style switcheroos ala the Bella Twins or the Killer Bees.)

The fresh brews will have to step in and contribute right away, as the 8s turnover was substantial. Gone is jammer and longtime team captain Cookie Ciano, who now skating banked derby in Texas. Also gone are longtime ninjas Abba Zabba, Jenerous Beatings, Coco Shrapnel, and the Termiskater (and Pabsty Cline, while co-captain this year, will be coaching from the bench).

But the big story with the 8s this year is the acquisition of veteran blockers and now former Rushin’ Rollettes, Pound Anya and Fidela Castrate. “Each had gone into the draft just for a little change of atmosphere,” says Justice. “I think you will see more of this from vets as they want to mix things up after a few years on a team.”

Pound and Fidela lead the league last year in a stat called plus/minus points per jam (essentially, how much their team outscores their opponents while said blocker is on the track)—Pound lead the league with a plus/minus rating of 3.10 per jam, while Fidela was right behind her at 2.98. Fellow blocker Justice (who lead the league last year in jammer takedowns with 12) is stoked, and looking forward to being on the track at the same time as her new teammates.

“I’m sure a power-pack and one of our star jammers will make any team pee their pants just a little.”

The 8s also return a standout rookie jammer from last season in Zo-Tay, who lead the team with 118 total points (tied for fourth in the league), as well as veteran blockers like Kat Scratch Fever (7 jammer takedowns last season), Slamela (7 assists—physically helping the jammer pass an opponent), The Other White Meat, Indiana Bones, and more.

All told, the Crazy 8s have a lot to be optimistic about as they prepare to take on Maiden Milwaukee in a rematch from last season’s finale. The Maidens swept the 8s last year in a pair of bouts that were decided by, ironically, 8 points. Will the namesake 8 be the ninjas’ lucky number this year? Find out on January 8 at the US Cellular Arena.