Three 6 Mafia and the Authority at the Rave, or, Total Weaksauce.

If I have spoken to you in the last couple of weeks, I probably mentioned at some point that I was going to see Three 6 Mafia last Saturday. And that I was really excited, even though it was at the Rave. I mean, come on! It’s Three 6 Mafia! They’re legends! They won an OSCAR for crying out loud! When I found out they were playing, I talked to some of my friends that I thought would be interested, and I envisioned this really epic girl’s night. I imagined I would roll up with a solid female posse, and we would all be dancing, drinking, laughing, having to ward off all the guys that would no doubt try to holler at us, because OBVIOUSLY we would be and look awesome. Well, come Saturday, as soon as I got off work, I started making phone calls, trying to figure out who was and wasn’t going to be coming with me. Well, it turns out that everyone, for some valid reason or another, couldn’t make it.

As I was laying around my room, trying to decide if I should just go by myself or not, I ended up talking to my friend Nik on the good ol’ internet, and he had expressed interest on in the show Thursday, which I did not remember (feel free to refer to my Jacuzzi Boys review as to why I did not remember). After some brief debating, we decided, fuck it, let’s just go. So I changed out of my work attire and headed out to pick up Nik.

I was nervous about missing Three 6 Mafia, as we got there around 10:00, and there was to be only one opener, the Authority. Well, it turns out that they were having what they called a “pre-show” in the Rave Bar, which is the smallest of the stages, right next to the Rave. So Nik and I went to cash in our drink minimum tickets and see what was going on. I didn’t catch the name of the…uh…performers, but Nik and I definitely felt out of place. When we walked in one of the guys was telling one of the several girls dancing like strippers on stage that she would get something (?) for getting more “groupies” to dance on stage. It was extremely, extremely ghetto, but not in a good way. I felt kind of underwhelmed, and we kept looking at each other, kind of laughing at the absurdity of what was happening on stage. We didn’t stay in there for very long, but before we left, I heard this GEM of a line: “She’s so wet, my dick’s surfing.”

Well, sad to say, but the Authority, who were performing in the Rave, were no better. Actually, I think I preferred the act in the Rave bar. The Authority were a bunch of clowns, rich bros that look like they stopped at American Eagle to pick up new “swag” before the show. No flow, no rhythm, no stage presence, no style. Nothing. So as to give you an idea, try to envision the Backstreet Boys rapping (although BSB had better dance moves), and you will have a good idea of what these guys were like. And their beats were boring, although, admittedly, anything interesting could have gotten lost in the terrible sound system. Seriously, it was embarrassing. I actually felt a little bad for them, because the audience kept booing them and throwing cups on stage. But then they would start “rapping” (and I use that term loosely) again and I stopped feeling bad. The only good thing about their performance was that somehow they had managed to get Coo Coo Cal to perform “My Projects” in the middle of their set. It was quite confusing, actually, because I kept hearing “Coo Coo Cal,” but between the booing and the shitty sound at the Rave, I didn’t realize he was performing till he was on stage performing. Anyways, much to our dismay, after he had finished, the Authority came back on stage to “perform.” This went on for a while, and finally they were done.

As soon as they were done, this large and in charge man by the name of Sean came on stage. He kept trying to get the crowd all riled up, and the DJ started spinning some music. As I looked around me, I felt like at least half of the people I saw looked like they came from a frat party. Great. Well, for about twenty or thirty minutes, they kept playing music, while Sean would occasionally come, have the audience start yelling, and then go off stage. I mean, don’t get me wrong, Nik and I were having a good time dancing, they were playing some jams, but I could have done that in a bar that I like or in the comfort of my own room, not at the Rave surrounded by frat boys.

Well, after what seemed like an entirely too long period of time, a group of scantily clad girls came on stage to throw out some free cds, and finally DJ Paul and Juicy J, the two remaining members of Three 6 Mafia, walked up on stage. While fun (sort of), their whole set seemed like one giant clusterfuck. What I initially thought was them starting off with a…medley, for lack of better words, turned out to be the way they performed all of their songs. For example, at the beginning of their set, they started playing “Slob on My Knob” and everyone got really excited and started dancing, and then half-way through, they stopped. Then of course, they began talking about drugs (weed, cocaine, and a few other things I didn’t catch) and asked more girls to get on stage, two of which who were particularly…memorable. One of them was the girl recruiting “groupies” during the “pre-show,” who, once on stage, allowed her breasts to hang out of her magenta corset top, and she spent a few minutes running around stage with her tits bouncing around as Juicy J and DJ Paul watched her, ending her little performance by licking her nipples. The second one was a girl that actually looked like a boy, and throughout the set would start rapping into the microphone. The whole display was kind of depressing.

As I said earlier, the rest of the set consisted of half songs, and Juice J and DJ Paul talking about drugs, pussy, and blowjobs.  You know, standard Three Six content.  One of my favorite/most upsetting moments of the show was when, at one point, a boy in front of us (with a Playboy bunny patch on his oversized baseball jersey) lifted up his girlfriend BY HER CROTCH and he bounced her around for a while that way. WHAT?  I can’t be the only one that thinks that’s weird, can I?

You know, I’ve gotta hand it to Three 6–the dudes have been around for twenty years, and considering the incredible amount of drugs these guys do, they seemed not to be terribly fucked up (and by “terribly fucked up” I mean they weren’t twitching or slurring their words…always a good sign…). Anyways, to be honest with you guys, I had decided that if I heard “Sippin’ on Syrup,” I would be satisfied, and they DID play it…though they stopped halfway through the song. So, I guess you could say I’m half satisfied.  I had a good time and it was certainly an experience I’m glad I had, but would I go see Three 6 Mafia again? Probably not, unless I they were performing with someone else I was interested in seeing (read: Gucci Mane).