Weak on Facial Hair?

Former Republican candidate for President and avowed Libertarian Dr. Ron Paul was on Rachel Maddow’s show last night, and something struck my eye while he was on–something that made me squirm and rendered me unable to look away.

I immediately texted K, my good friend and fellow political junkie in Chicago to ask, “Does Ron Paul wear fake eyebrows?”

Watch the interview for yourself, and keep an eye on Dr. Paul’s right eyebrow. It looks askew to me, as if it is barely covering a much lighter eyebrow underneath, but is about to plummet from his face.

Once K was able to view the interview later in the night, she noted that current Libertarian candidate Bob Barr has what can only be considered a most unfortunate mustache:

To me, it’s obvious why no one is eager to vote for Mr. Barr. Let’s say through some wild act of god, superhero act of time travel, etc., Bob Barr won the Presidency. Would Americans be ready to watch in horror during the State of the Union address as Bob Barr’s mustache spun a cocoon, only to emerge during the National Security portion as a furry, vibrant moth?

K’s text message about Mr. Barr ended with the following question: “Libertarians–weak on facial hair?”

I’ve asked my old friend Gary, an avowed Libertarian, to chime in on this. Gary is the poor man’s Skeet Ulrich, who is the poor man’s Johnny Depp, and as a result has a history of tastefully executed facial hair. I will update with his insight when i receive it.

In any event, i think it’s patently obvious why the Libertarian Party will never be a viable political force in this country. If you’re going to run for President and have facial hair, it had better be mighty. Witness our nation’s grand tradition of powerful Presidential facial hair:

Theodore F. Roosevelt*
“Trust busting: It’s the right thing to do, and a tasty way to do it.”

William F. Taft
The similarity to great baseball relief pitching mustaches illustrates why Baseball remains the national pastime

Abraham F. Lincoln
I mean, obviously

Martin F. Van Buren
Wait, that’s not right. Oh, here, sorry…

Martin F. Van Buren
“I was also Secretary of State, bub”

*Obviously, when elected President while wearing powerful facial hair, your middle initial is required to be changed legally to “F,” for “Fucking.” Look it up, i’m pretty sure it’s buried in Article 2, Section 1 of the Constitution somewhere.