Stella Cretek


By - Oct 8th, 2008 02:52 pm

The American taxpayers are about to be shorn. I’m not entirely unacquainted with the shearing of sheep, having observed the process on my aunt’s sheep ranch in South Dakota, a long time ago, in the days before our government began substituting citizens for sheep.

There are a few basic rules for a good shearing: citizens are to have no water for 24 hours prior to shearing; no food for 12 hours prior, and they must be absolutely dry for optimum results.

A good shearer knows his/her stuff, having learned the trade on Wall Street and in the hallowed halls of Washington, D.C.

A good shearer knows how to get the citizens up and down the chute as fast as possible. This reduces stress on both the shearer and those being shorn.

Some citizens show up wearing barrels. They’ve already been shorn by prior administrations and, having lost everything, are not good candidates.


While shearing, a good shearer minimizes cuts, as this reduces the quality of what is shorn from the citizens. However, it’s not usually a problem as most citizens have been bled dry by increased taxation and decreased representation.

It’s important that the citizens do not discharge their waste on the shearing shed floor, as it screws up the product. Equally important, is keeping the citizens under control. Citizens who stand around wondering what’s going on are not citizens appropriate for shearing.

Shearing is highly competitive; in fact, it is a global sport of sorts. Following the shearing in which citizens are fleeced, everyone involved (except the citizens) get to share in a lavish feed, including lamb chops and rack ‘o lamb.

Note: Citizens do not want to be wrestled around on a full stomach, just so you know.

Categories: Dem Bones

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